The weigh-in :(

Here we go, starting things off on a bad note. The first weigh in of the month is a gain! Last week I was 444.6 this week 445.0. A .4 gain. So I've enter he most difficult phase of the year on bad terms! I

Guess what, I finally got to see that psychiatrist of mine, she thinks I should lower my goals (no kidding), that I have a all or nothing mentality (I wouldn't necessarily agree), and that this "transformation year" thing was a rather toxic aspiration. Wanting to go from 4XX to 1XX in a year would be impossible (even though the people on Biggest Loser  Extreme Weight Loss do it, but I digress) her argument (similar if not identical with what some of what you and the therapist have said) is to cut my goals into installments so instead of having to be instantly 180 I cut it down into waves. Like 400 would the next big, then 375, 350, 325,b250 etc. I rejected this almost immediately my argument being that I felt like when people (in general) cut their goals they settle in there adjusted weight and I can't risk that.

On the medical aspect most things are the same except, I am restarting my my ADHD medication from its lower dosage and will then increase, after a week. My mood stabilizer was also bumped up quite a bit too, fine! I have been all over the place today there was some new male medical assistant had to be about 170-180 pounds he had future-self/ideal me figure, it gave me a great deal of anxiety.

Today isn't the greatest day, I just don't even know what to do with myself anymore, Im tired of weigh-ins I'm tired therapists and psychiatrists and 180 pound medical assistants, I'm tired of it all!

Don't even get me started with this whole 28th birthday coming up in janurary thing, again.


  1. I understand that all kinds of stuff including healthy eating, goal-setting, medications, therapy, etc can be exhausting. (Enough to want to say the heck with it, sometimes.) And still: it's a good observation that you sometimes have black and white (all or nothing) thinking. And that this might be making you feel frustrated. (Haven't we all been there? I have!) My opinion (and this is only my opinion, please do what works for you) is that breaking down one giant goal into smaller, more manageable ones, is *not* settling for anything. Instead, it gives you the chance to notice the achievements you've made along the way, and to appreciate them, while still working on achieving your bigger goal. As always, I'm rooting for you!

  2. Also, another way to think about it is this: say your youngest nephew is learning to read. His goal is to learn to read. Wouldn't he need to start with 1) learning to recognize the alphabet, b) learning which letters make what sounds, c) learning which letters *together* make certain sounds (like "th"), d) sounding out simple words, etc. Wouldn't you cheer him on if he achieved step 1? Would you think he was settling? Just something to think about. Hugs!

  3. Hi Brandon, it's been a long time. I see your still fighting, that's really encouraging for me to see. The war is a long one isn't it? I am picking up my sword as well, it's time to fight again. My story isn't over yet, and yours isn't either. I'm rooting for you buddy! Hang in there and keep going

  4. Hmmm. Well, it's never fun to hear what we don't want to! I know i don't like it. Instead of cutting your goal, how about using those lesser increments (400, 375, 350, etc) as milestones? For each milestone, you could reward yourself in some way. Maybe you will go to the movies or rent a few redboxes, and take the time to watch them. Or, maybe order yourself a small gift online like a new book or new set of pens or something?
    Glad your "gain" was small, don't let it get you down!


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