Hello From The Other Side

It's been a few weeks since I've posted. There have been some developments I felt I needed to blog about. Lately Ive found the concept of blogging exhausting even though I know it's beneficial, I digress. It's Monday and I have weighted in, I lost 5 pounds, I'm down to 433.6.

I had my follow up to my blood work from a few weeks ago today also, a bit late, but I was dragging my feet. I finally got it sheduled after unusually prolonged fits of dizziness last week, figured I do the ole two birds one stone thing. My doctor didn't have good news for me, I'll cut write to the chase, something is going on with my kidneys, she something about some one thing being low and some other thing being several points high (like 7 higher than it should be?) we aren't sure what's the exact cause she thinks it could be my blood pressure combo pill, because my blood pressure has been normal today, it was perfect, though she said my pulse was high. She's switching my BP  medication from the 2-in-1, to just a regular BP medication. I go back next week to see if that effects my blood pressure, and the the following week for more labs to re-check the kidneys

The next bomb was that my cholesterol was high, she has officially put me on something for that! So after all the weightloss I manage to get high cholesterol, a less than stellar way to enter November.

In more less than stellar developments I think I'm developing an eating disorder and I don't know if I can stop it. Yesterday I only ate a PB & J and skipped dinner because I didn't want to effect weigh-in.... The other day mom gave me a plate of food for breakfast and it gave me anxiety, she told me "not to look at her like that" and that "I needed to eat", so I took the plate reluctantly. It took me hours to eat that meal (l literally took breaks), it was just some scrambled eggs and a piece of sausage. Today I had cereal, and it seemed like I went hog wild a some all you can eat buffet. I think in average I haven't been cracking 1000 calories the past week or so. I eat one meal a day unless  I'm pressured others wise, but I get anxiety about doing so.




I'll be 28 soon. Really close to 30. I still have so much weight to lose and I'm just honestly not sure I'm strong enough to do this another year. This has not been easy and with the siblings reenytering the picture soon, I just I don't know.

Comments

  1. Looking back your blog, if I have my sums correct, you have lost over 100lbs since March. That's a massive achievement, well done

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    Replies
    1. 104 to be exact. Crossed the barrier just this week, it hasn't quite sunk it, I'm not even sure if it will.

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  2. That definitely sounds like an eating disorder to me, ie disordered ideas about food and eating. Another thing to bring up with your therapist, I think. It might seem like almost a good thing sometimes, like you're being really strong by not eating, but my husband's cousin actually died at the age of 24 from a heart attack due to an eating disorder. It really messes with your body. And you're feeling dizzy a lot! You need to look after yourself properly.

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  3. Without pathologizing your behavior... I think overeating and undereating are both forms of disordered eating--not even flip sides of a coin, but rather, the same coin. Definitely worth talking to your therapist about. Here's another thing to consider: if you drop your calories too low for any sustained length of time, you might stunt your metabolism. (I am a recovering disordered-eater, myself-- and, back in the day, I used to eat no more than 600 calories per day, and excess weight would *not* come off. I do not recommend this self-torture.) Big hugs.

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