Losecember Weight-in Week 4

Crash and burn

I gained 3.4 pounds. Last week I weighted 427.8, this week 430.4. Going back into the 30s is quite the devestating blow. Last week I did decide to go to the Christmas dinner after my mom stopped just short of begging me to go. It wasn't a complete nightmare, but as usual I felt out of place. I've always had the alien family feeling. I watch as everyone else interact, how they relate, were there humors align, where there general chemistry is. I just have not ever felt like I belonged there, when my brothers are there, they fit in perfectly however. The only moment that truly got my anxiety going was when of the two uncles asked my mom while we were we the dinner table, the same dinner table that I was at and only a few seats away, If I had attended my other grandmothers funereal, and mother started to answer and I finished for her and said "no I didn't go." He literally asked the question just like this "did Brandon go to his grandmas funeral" as if I wasn't even in the room. Then after that my other uncle, whom oddly did go, in-spite the fact that my grandmother hated his guts (they worked together before she was retired, and really all I know is it's job related) just talked about the funeral for a couple minutes. That was a genuinely unpleasant experience for me, but I made it through it.

Mom seemed to have a genuinely good time as usual. I didn't eat much I had a single plate and some desert, but then more desert later on (at home). It was the week in general that was the error. I only worked out a couple times, my water in take wasn't what it normally is, and veggies, what are those? Not to mention it's been an ugly week for depression, my nephew came down the day after Xmas. But I've been barricaded in my room as if I'm trying to survive the zombie apocalypse. It's been hard, I know he wants me to come out there and just be around, but I can't bring myself to be social, to put on the mask. So far the past few days he has essentially been hanging out with just his grandma, which I'm sure he doesn't mind in the grand scheme of things, but it has to be rather boring, and he'd rather I'd be out there. Before he came down he called me to tell me about an ad he seen on YouTube he thought would help me on my weightloss. Right away I was incredibly flattered by the fact that he had recognized that I was trying to do something, seen something that might help and reached out to me. In all the time I've been doing this, this was really this first time this has happened, and of course it would be from a nephew. Anyways the video he wanted to talk about was called 6 pack abs something, well right away I knew it wasn't for me. A guy my size doesn't work on his abs, but the intention was still nice.

700 Pounds Is As Bad As It Sounds

So the blog gone, I was recently asked if I knew what happened to it. Sadly no, I didn't become aware until I read that comment in fact. Last few updates I read from him were that he was moving to a new house, he had his own living space, I think with his own fridge? I don't know if he made an announcement or just decided to deleted it on a whim. It's very unusual. He had a very large following, when he mentioned my blog on his I got a massive surge in traffic. I wonder if this means he has given up, maybe there was a recent controversy we missed, I don't know. Interestingly I've been considering closing mine down too. I know by the new year I'm deleting my Facebook for the umpteenth time with the intention of keeping it deactivated indefinitely. Quite frankly, it makes me hate myself ( Facebook, not the blog ). I think the blog started out strong, but my depression really became the breakout star it seems and that really isn't  how I wanted things to be. I have so much anxiety about the new year, and gaining this weight! Ehh I don't know. Hope everyone's Christmas went well.

Comments

  1. I'm friends with Josh (700 lbs is as bad as it sounds) on facebook. I'll ask him what happened to his blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any luck connecting with Josh? Just want to know if he's okay.

      Delete
  2. Brandon, don't let the small gain bother you. It's probably just sodium related and will drop off this week.

    Your nephew sounds so sweet; love that he thought of you and your interest in weight/fitness.

    I really hope you don't shut your blog down. Even if it's drifted away from it's original purpose, there is still support here for you. I know it's been a tough year emotionally; it's been for me as well. Hopefully 2016 will be better for both of us!

    I think you are right about Josh. It would have been nice if he had done one last post to say goodbye to his readers. I'd read his blog since the beginning and thought he had the nicest followers. He received a lot of support and encouragement.

    Mollie

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wondered what happened to Josh/700 pounds is as....

    I think it's really normal to gain a bit over the holidays. I like that you keep it real and set your boundaries; you know you can't "fake it" with your nephew so you are saying "No", and that's OK!

    Take it easy, hope you don't delete this blog... HAPPY NEW YEAR Brandon!

    -Lea

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brandon, hope your doing well and update us with a post soon.
    Jeanette

    ReplyDelete
  5. Come back, Brandon! We just want to support you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thinking of you Brandon and hoping that you're okay.

    Mollie

    ReplyDelete

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