Crossing Over

When I was younger, in middle school, think 14-15ish I remember these ads that used to play on TV for an antidepressant. It showed a white oval moping (sometimes with a little rain cloud) around as the narrator explained how changes in X activities could be symptoms of depression. Ironically that was for Zoloft, the for first medication I was put on. I also remember those depression hurts ads Those come to mind a lot, I suppose vary by region. I mention all this cause I got to bed at 5pm yesterday because my anxiety and depression were high, and and out of the blue those ads came to mind.

Last week I weighed an even 400lbs, last Sunday mom made her homemade pizza, and I knew it was going to have a devastating impact on the scale, I stuck to only have two slices on average a day until Tuesday when I had three to finish it off. I still somehow managed to lose in spite of the what was sure to be several days of quadruple sodium levels, and one day of being slightly over calories. This week I weigh 398.2, I lost 1.8 pounds. I've crossed over, but I'm so close to the edge that I could easily cross right back. Nervous area.

Yesterday I had a moment, I was looking in the mirror and thought to myself "you know, maybe my face does look different, maybe I am making a transformation." Just as I was about to allow myself to enjoy that moment, that realization, I looked at the rest of my body and it was gone. I immediately said to myself "I've still got this fat body, still weigh over 300+ pounds, who am I kidding?" I actually used the F word. I walked away from the mirror feeling defeated realizing I still have so far to go. So many weightloss journeys begin in the 300s and I'm just working my way down. I just watched a video recently about a man from the the Uk named Nathan Priestly who had a major weightloss transformation. He started his journey at 364 lbs, lost over 170 pounds. He looks fantastic now. Nathan (Gleason) if you recall... Hmm actually I had todo some fact checking it seems that even I forgot his starting weight. For some time now I've been under the illusion he started in the 300s, be he started in the low 400s as my my Weightloss Inspiration post states, and I just now realized both these guys are named Nathan. When I was watching the storming about the other guy and seen his starting weight I thought "here we go again, 300s" the idea of working down to get to where someone or most people start is just not a great feeling. Realizing that I'm slightly passed Nathan-G's starting weight.... Surprisingly (or not) does nothing for me. Besides that last part, feels like I've said this before to some degree, maybe when I crossed over into the 400s. I supposed this has just become rant? Better end it here.

Comments

  1. That is an awesome achievement. I know you have trouble finding any worth in what you have done already, but remember your starting weight and what you have done so far. Just keep going!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations. That is an accomplishment. It may take a few weeks stabilize to under 400 pounds, but don't get discouraged.(HUGS) LN

    ReplyDelete

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