Well...

I anticipated a gain on Monday's weigh-in. The previous week I gave in to some temptations, and the depression thing hasn't been great, in spite of these things I still lost. I'm currently down to 396.4. I lost 1.2 pounds last week. This week Ive been doing my Leslie Sansone indoor miles everyday, and even plan to do them through the weekend.

I recently deleted my facebook again. It added to my anxiety and I didn't want to able to reach out anybody to during dark times (which is as macabre as it sounds),also I let my friends Nick and Melissa in on how things  were with my depression and anxiety a few weeks ago. I  didn't sugarcoat anything and they were deeply concerned and since have been. Anyways, I regretted telling, not because they reacted poorly but because I just have this anxiety about have something so personal out there. Id just much rather they not know. Friday, Nick popped up at my house randomly to check in on me after realizing my facebook had been gone for the past week, and that's the only way to contact me. He and Melissa think I should get committed, but Ive ruled out going back into the hospital. Meanwhile mom is still in the dark, apparently my brother comes home the 24th..........................

I have been doing better with homework for therapy lately, by actually doing it. I want to start reading more regularly, I can't remember when I started that book, but I should have finished it quite some time ago, I would've  likely finished several books by now. I just have never focused (had the capacity to), or had enough focus to really zero in on it, but the the fact that I read 6 chapters last time in one sitting, in a car no-less tells me things have changed quite a bit.

I used to  love I've watching movies, I'm a big movie buff. I got really in to under the radar indie-movies a few years back. Last year however, movie watching became pretty rare for many reasons, the dark haze, I was watching weight loss related things, and in the later parts of 2014 I started having issues with the movies. Comparing my life, my body, and just reading feeling like I had not been living (because of the things I'd been seeing in the movies). Even uplifting movies with positive messages could have the complete reverse effect on me. Plus movie nights, movie days, movie marathons always included heaps of snacks it was just a ritual. I'd like to get in to the swing of watching movies again though.

More soon.

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