Trying To Figure Me Out
Off it
Ages ago I said on some social media platform that I had been on a weight loss journey at that point. That was true, it’s been about a year honestly since I’ve been on the journey. Yes I’ve tried losing weight, yoyoing a bit then gaining massively, but the weight loss journey ended some time ago. Weight loss journey implies consistency, if not in actions, or behavior, then in thought. If when you’re failing, or gaining it’s still in the back of your head that you need to recover from the down. That’s not where I’ve been. I’ve completely given up and half-assed all my efforts accordingly.
Where am I right now? Im weighing in at a staggering 508lbs, I’ve completely fallen off. Today I bought two packages of cookies about 60 cookies in each pack. I immediately pummeled through 15, sure, the first few were good, but come 4, 5 and they didn’t even have taste anymore, but I continued the binge anyhow. The irony is in the last few weeks binges have been down.
So will I ever turn it around. Honestly I don’t know, it’s been the topic of therapy all year it seems, me feeling like I can’t and my therapist wondering just “when”. I don’t know. I need a reason, some kind of spark. But things I wanted when I started aren’t things that seem attainable now. Maybe those years I was losing were my golden years and I just didn’t know.
Ages ago I said on some social media platform that I had been on a weight loss journey at that point. That was true, it’s been about a year honestly since I’ve been on the journey. Yes I’ve tried losing weight, yoyoing a bit then gaining massively, but the weight loss journey ended some time ago. Weight loss journey implies consistency, if not in actions, or behavior, then in thought. If when you’re failing, or gaining it’s still in the back of your head that you need to recover from the down. That’s not where I’ve been. I’ve completely given up and half-assed all my efforts accordingly.
Where am I right now? Im weighing in at a staggering 508lbs, I’ve completely fallen off. Today I bought two packages of cookies about 60 cookies in each pack. I immediately pummeled through 15, sure, the first few were good, but come 4, 5 and they didn’t even have taste anymore, but I continued the binge anyhow. The irony is in the last few weeks binges have been down.
So will I ever turn it around. Honestly I don’t know, it’s been the topic of therapy all year it seems, me feeling like I can’t and my therapist wondering just “when”. I don’t know. I need a reason, some kind of spark. But things I wanted when I started aren’t things that seem attainable now. Maybe those years I was losing were my golden years and I just didn’t know.
