The Week, Weight Lost And Anxiety

The last week was interesting. I did by best to make good eating choices overall. I house and puppy-sat for my friends while they went out of town for the weekend and that was a mini adventure. My friends actually made sure I had healthy food alternatives to eat as I made it a point to let them know that I tend to gain weight with every visit, there was still an abundance of junk food in the house, but now there were healthy options, which I stuck to, such as grapes, baked chicken, steamed veggies etc.

My friends brought me back a couple souvenirs from there getaway one being peanut butter fudge, they were worried that I wouldn't eat it, but decided to get it anyways. I had a few bites and decided I'd give the rest to my mom, which I did and in hindsight I regret because only now do I remember her doctors are wanting her blood sugar to come down, and they switched her medicine. Last month after telling my nutrionist how I switched to sugarless cereals like Cheerios, Kix and Corn Flakes exclusively and only add in 1 to 2 tablespoons of sugar she mentioned sugar alternatives, and soon as our appointment was over we went to the store and made the switch. Giving my mom the fudge was a step back... I guess that's what I'm getting at. It was a decent junk too. I could have sliced it in half or something, it wasn't terribly rich though.

Now to the scale, last week after unfortunately gaining  0.4 pounds making me 414.4, this I weigh 410.4. I lost 4 pounds. I'm glad I lost, it's interesting though that I still have not completely recovered from that Super Bowl week mega gain. I entered that at 410 even on February 8th by the following week I was 419.4, and I'm still up a month later (from the flat 410).

My friend has decided that the gym is on the agenda everyday this week at Planet Fitness. You'd think I'd be excited, however my anxiety has flared up quite awful, and I'm criticizing myself over it aswell. I want to back out, but I know if I do I will regret it, but this anxiety is almost comparable to anxiety I'd get right before going into work, and I can't pinpoint what specific, thing or fear I'm latching on to... Expect of course being huge and being seen. I get out more now though, I don't know why this gym thing feels so big, so huge, maybe it's because people will know why in there? I don't know. We are suppose to go in just a couple hours, but, honestly, I will probably have to back out, and then ya'know be consumed with a bout of severe depression that I haven't seen in a a while now! This feels like a no win situation... Unless of course I go... But what if I go and I have some nightmarish experience? Ugh! It doesn't help that I missed last weeks therapy because my mom went somewhere and forgot I had therapy. Worse is my therapist won't be in until next week so.... It's going to be an interesting week.

Seems  I haven't posted a picture of my disgusting mug all year, and I mention a few weeks back that I was going to get my haircut. I had decided the hairdo I wanted could only work with a thinner body, and I finally realized that it wouldn't be any time soon. So I cut it, but I've never kept  my beard while being nearly bald, so this is new. Though I'm already sick of the beard so it's got to be cut, or modified.

Me and the puppy Belle 


  1. You should be proud of yourself, March 2015 you were 537lbs - 127lbs lost in a year is awesome, well done. Go to the gym, what's to say you won't have a good experience over the nightmarish one.


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