White Noise In My Mind

I didn't exactly make good on my plans of posting more last week, I've been around but I've lost my  spark for writing at the moment. Usual changing the color scheme of the blog helps motivate me somehow, like shedding of skin. I've been experiencing some mild depression lately, and it was directly triggered by a doctors appointment I had earlier in the week, I haven't quite been right since. I believe it was Tuesday I had my appointment and I seen someone I had not seen since 2011 starring at, that's the only reason I even noticed them, they were an old friend of of my buddy Nick, but I never associated with them. The issue I have is I don't want to been seen by people who I haven't  seen in many years, before I've reached my goal weight, regardless of how irrelevant they are (and this guy was quite). I kind of went into some distorted thinking  again about my weight, because he was kind of scanning me or at least that's how it seemed to me.

I have growing anxiety about various things, sometimes I feel like I've woken up in the twilight zone in terms of how things are going politically, then I feel like there is just bad news everywhere and it's getting hard to shake this feeling I'm having that it's only going to get worse there is more bad news to come. Morale is poor it's like when trying to look at the bright side someone points out the grey cloud approaching on the other side of the sky. There is so much negativity and it's affecting me, I haven't been able to focus well and I've been inconsistent with my exercising, I took several days off last week, and have just really been having to force myself to do it.

SimplyFit Board

Eating has been fine, this seems to be the one area that is going perfect, I realize I have a weigh-in coming up next week and I'm eager-nervous about it, I'm hopefully for a solid loss. I've seen commercials for something called a SimplyFit Board it's some type of new age balance board. It was featured on Shark Tank (US equivalent of Dragons Den, entrepreneurs pitch their product before several  rich investors hoping to  get an investment in their product). It supporters up to 400lbs lbs and you like swivel on it and it helps you burn fat and build muscle. I think I really want this thing.

An interesting week ahead, aside from therapy I have one appointment but I really need to do a ton of lab stuff because I have a an appointment with my kidney specialist coming up on the 10th. Next Sunday is the Super Bowl and my friend is having his annual party. Last time I gained 10 lbs over that week, maybe I'll live blog it, or actually use that Instagram story video thing, I still feel really awkward about video though. Someone asked me on Instagram if I would consider doing you YouTube and I thought it was a little funny because I have done YouTube, but I've made no reference to it on Instagram (aside from that reply) and I haven't made any updates to my channel since I've had such significant weight loss.

My goal this week is to try to find the silver linings, seek the good, in spite of seemingly universal and overwhelming dejection


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