Look To The Past And Remember A Smile

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Yesterday was amazing. I never got so many hugs. I felt like Beyonce for a day. I was sent off with ice cream. One member made me a poem, another gave me a sketch book and pastels cause she knows I like to draw and I doodled a lot during session, someone selected a song for us to listen to because the night before they heard it on the radio and the song "makes me think of Brandon, cause he makes me smile." the song was September by Earth, Wind & Fire. It's such a upbeat song and so infectious, I was so touched. We were all dancing in the room whilst having discussions about confrontational wordage that instantly makes people defensive, even if you're rightly  addressing something wrong they did. I.E you always... Or you didn't, You statements makes people defensive and tune out. But "I" makes things more neutral ground. I feel like you didn't listen to me...." I'm not sure why I've added all that.

back on topic,  3 people told me how I made their first day there so much easier because I was so outgoing and helpful. The staff thanked me for putting in so much effort, and had so many kind things to say. I'm very emotional writing this because these people cared so deeply about me and knew me for so little. They would regularly tell me about the good qualities they seen in me. Me, of all people. They all saw past my gargantuan exterior and liked me for me, baggage and all. I'm forced to face the untruths I've l instilled within myself.

I reconsider... Maybe I am worth it. Maybe I am deserving! Maybe my obesity doesn't defy and if it does it doesn't always have to.




Some of my oil pastel drawings



A Panting I actually did

Paintings People Made For Me
An amazing abstract self portrait of me

Deep Galaxy
Intertwined sun & moon

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