Begin Again

-
I've gotten back in control. The last few days I've been doing my 60minute workout, tracking my calories, drinking my water, and eating below my calorie range, and eating healthy.

I believe I'm having sugar withdrawal, I've experienced a killer headache, cravings out the wazoo and muscle aches and pains. I know it will eventually pass but it's no fun at all. It's especially important I Stay away from sugar loaded things.

My action plan is to continue this for weeks before making changes. The plan is as followed.

  • I eat within an hour of waking up, I eat a lunch and dinner. Light snacks in between if necessary to curve hunger and avoid binges
  • No trigger foods: donuts, cookies, snack cakes, honey buns, candy bars, peanut butter, pop tarts, granola bars, cold cereal
  • Workout a min of 4 days a week. Mix between, home workouts and the gym.
  • Log my food

It sounds simple enough, but it never is. Blind perseverance will have to get me through, because the numbers I'll be hitting I'll have hit before, they sadly didn't mean much then and now they are painful reminder that I let go, I let myself go. The good thing is now I don't want any kind of support from family that I haven't had. I don't need it, I've fully accepted the reality of things. I won't discuss my weight loss with anyone in the real world or rather, offline, aside from my therapist, psychiatrist and the select people I still talk to from that partial hospitalization program (3). I'm going to do this on my own... again, and I believe I can get further this time.




Popular posts from this blog

Move Along Move Along, Just To Make It Through

-
Image
The title, lyrics from one of my favorite bands and one of my favor songs, The All-American Reject's Move Along . It randomly popped up in my head at just the right time. I'm not going to give up, I pretty much see how sort of ridiculous my feelings have been the last 48 hours. Lifestyle changes are not easy, it took me 27 years, 27 years of gradually weight gain to put me here, and its not going to be lost over night, not even in a year, but a lot can be done in a year, more in two, and so on, and so on. I have to keep sight of what I want, and that is to be thinner, happier and healthier. Going back to work will be a new obstacle Ill have to adjust to, Ill have to endure the looks, the stares, the embarrassment, Ill have to live through my worst fears all over again, but I know these are the last of them, these are the final years of these bad experiences. Because I'm going to continuing losing weight, and the people and actions that intend to bring me down, will, but won
Read more

Mental Illness & Obesity, Seems One Is Getting The Best Of Me

-
A handful of weeks ago it looked like I was on the fast track to recovery still. I was going to therapy, making medical appointments, taking my necessary medications, still losing weight. It wasn't perfect, but I seemed to be in an all around better place, I'm sure many of you would agree. In the last couple weeks in particular, however, I seem to have done a 180. My already lacking, optimism, shot to smithereens. My weight loss has slowed down. Will to carry on, weak. And I honestly can't make sense of it. On paper everything sounds perfect, I'm losing weight, receiving counseling, getting more active, there's those non-scale victories. So why is it I'm in what seems like an eternal cloud of depression? I feel like I had so much more control before, and now nothing. My medication is suppose to be in full effect by now, how is it I was more stable at the beginning, than I am now? A couple days ago I had a severe breakdown, I even told my mom I wasn't sure
Read more

Dolorous

-
How does your typical day begin? What tasks so you normally do, what people do you normally see? What places do you go, what kind of things keep you busy? "Is this my life?" I ask to myself way too often.  I have no hobbies,  and interests are slim. I've realized how much each day looks like the one before it. I'm mostly surrounded in the four walls that makeup my bedroom. I have my 3 meals, I read a few blogs, I watch various YouTube videos, I take naps to fight the overwhelming depression and anxiety at times, later in the day I do my indoor miles, I go to bed. Unless I have an appointment, or the nephews drop by, the formula doesn't change much. This is my existence. Truly it feels like I'm just living for the next weigh-in. I often try to forget that I am 28. I recently rediscovered my plans and aspirations for 2015 which I wrote December 8, 2014. Long before this blog came to be ( well not that long actually ). I don't know if I ever posted it.
Read more

Archive

Show more