Sixty

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Mom turned 60 today. Kind of a scary age. I don't like the reality of my mom getting older but I have to accept it. I'm glad she's still around and mostly agile.

I need a lot of working on. There are things that I need to let go of that would improve our relationship 10fold. I just keep certain resentments  that do me no good. I hate the idea of letting go because it feels like I'm saying it was all okay, like it didn't matter. Learning to let go is really something I have to bring to the forefront.

I've been on a bender be all week. Homemade pizza one day, taco Bell, McDonald's, Lee's (it's a chicken place), chips, and tons and tons of sweets. Yes, Reese's! Sadly they have made several appearances, all kinds of things covered in chocolate, cookies, kit Kat bars, the works. Just bingeing and bingeing.

I've sure to have gainee a nice chunk of actual weight, not to mention a crazy amount of water retention. I've been skipping medication. I didn't take anything whatsoever for four days straight. Speed the collapse I suppose is the thinking, but I felt that psychical weight of depression from back before I started all of this before I was diagnosed. I haven't gone to therapy for two weeks now.

I want to try, YET AGAIN to recover from this. I'm planning a 72-96hr water fast. Straight water for three to four days. Its the only way I'll feel redeemed. Once the fast is over it's back to the basics.


I fell last week, hard. Friday I tripped on something entering the kitchen and crash landed on my knee, an elbow smashed into a cabinet door. I lie there in audible agony for a few minutes before picking myself up, cautiously. My knee was swollen for a few days, and now it's back to normal but it's not operating quite the same. It'll be interesting to see if I can do any exercises be next week

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