7:28:am

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I think the time zone is irrelevant. It's early, and I have I not been to sleep. My sleep lately has been quite poor. Weight-in  in just a few hours really, and I anticipate another gain. It's been a week of low calories and  high sodium, which seems to always result in gain. My calorie intake has been almost criminally low, and the sodium, criminally high, so I guess if I try to be rational (try) this results in water retention, which I seem be pretty prone too anyways. I'm normally great about drinking my 64oz of water a day but this past week it has been a mediocre effort. .

I've been dealing with my depression, or really not dealing with it. It's dealing with me, or I don't know, I have homework for therapy, that I find to exhausting to start to do, I honestly don't remember what it is. I have these sheets somewhere, but I don't want to find them to find out. I actually haven't done homework for therapy in awhile, I always forget or just can't bring myself todo it. The homework I was suppose todo for last weeks session was to show what future-self/ideal me's style and hair might look like. So I was suppose to like look online and find things that I thought would suit me. I liked the idea a lot originally, and planned to do it, likely that Monday or Tuesday the following week before the next Wednesday session, but then that Monday appointment with psychiatrist really through a wrench in that, because of 180 pound Graham, that new medical assistant. Seeing him just messed with my head, I felt gross, like I had suddenly entered an episode of the Twilight Zone and everyone in the world were Graham's but me. Anyways I simply could not do that project after, I felt like it was feeding a delusion. 180 pounds was truly reaching for the stars, and seeing it right in front of my face sort of hit me like a comet.

Im looking into this  Body Dysmorphia, thing.

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