October Memories

The weekend draws near, and guess what, it's official, it's October, a bittersweet month for me. I loved Halloween as a child in spite of my weight, you see my size limited my option of costumes and mostly I did not dress up at all. I remember when mom made this big elaborate robot costume out of cardboard boxes, it was so uncomfortable but looked pretty darn cool. It was one if the last true costumes I ever wore. I was probably 6 or 7, it took what seemed like hours to create that thing we were very proud of it though.

As I mentioned though, my weight caused issues with dressing up, so later I mostly opted for nothing, or a simple single mask. I used to love Halloween for many reasons the free candy, the school parties, the Halloween specials of my favorite tv shows, but it began the kickoff before my favorite holiday Christmas. I would start my Christmas list around now.

Really though I loved watching scary move marathons, as well as the less spooky, more family oriented, original offerings of the Disney Channel like Halloween Town. One of my all time favorite movies to watch during Halloween though is Hocus Pocus.l

Moving on.

We are in the last leg of the year, I guess the delusional mist I was hovering in while whispering "I could still have a transformation this year, like the people in the TV shows, there is still time" has finally cleared up. I won't be transformed, and that makes me rather sad. Worse is we are in the most difficult months of the year, this month, sweets in abundance, next two months overt with rare family meals, and treats. If there is one person that can stay on track during the holidays it's me, that isn't the point, it's just the additional stress from it all I don't want to deal with. In a way the year is already over, I won't be radically new, I know it was ridiculous to have set my goals so high, I know I've been told dozens of times to re-adjust my frame, but a part of me could not let go of the idea, the fantasy, it had to live on.

Also there's a latent anxiety about the fact that I'll be 28 soon (jan)

In recent developments I have a reoccurring tooth ache. I unfortunately know what this means I have to do... This probably won't end in a pleasant experience.

I wrote this to completion yesterday but didnt post it for some reason


  1. I think you are already transformed, at least partway! And there is still three months to go, a quarter of a year. Sure, you won't be 130 pounds by Christmas, but three months is plenty of time to continue doing well.


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