Vegetable Soup

Mom made a huge pot a vegetable soup yesterday and it's delicious. A great way to start the month I think, no? We have a least a couple days worth left, well at least two more, it tasted even better today.  Maybe this is the month of soups and chillis? It actually sounds greatly appealing, more so than pizza, my Achilles-heel, which I haven't really wanted, but I haven't really not-wanted.I haven't wanted anything which is kind odd I think.

My oldest nephew (15) was supposed to make a brief visit today (but didn't), he has been having more trouble with school, and not doing home work, or even mentioning that he has it. He is more worried about looking hip and cool, very much sounds like "typical teen" but it is rather disappointing, I didn't so much have that need be hip and cool as a teenager, being morbidly obese kind of sidelined that, I certainly wanted to be popular though, thinking back I had a lot of prespective because of my obesity. Sometimes high school was like in slowmotion, I was constantly dissecting interactions, I did that a lot, dissect. Anyways, back to the point, if I can get there, my nephew didn't really seem the type, I guess if I really look at recent developments, his recent interests and how they align with diamond-like precision of what today's American teens seem to be into, then I guess this shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

Last time he was here, he was obsessed with Vine videos, he asked me if I had ever heard or seen a vine. Me? The techie. I knew it about Vine when it  first launched and its platforms future was completely up in the air, anywho! He shows me some of the newer vine hit videos ((by the way, Vine  isn't for me) I found myself frozen faced, or forced laughing, I know funny, I'm not too old this, but a lot of this was garbage... I realize I am rambling and I don't think I can make a point I don't know where I was going. Hope you enjoyed the random story... Wait, he's growing up, but it's just seems odd that... Yeah  I can't articulate what I'm thinking at all!

Incidentally, I'm out of both my ADHD and depression medication since Wednesday. If my Monday appointment with my psychiatrist had not been pushed back, to the upcoming Monday it wouldn't have been an issue, but it was, last time they pushed it back they sent me a week supply but  of what I needed. This time, no dice. Also I didn't call and say anything which was probably the bigger issue, to be fair, I didn't last time either. I seem mostly okay so far.... Well, I had an episode the other night that I literally just only remembered. It was more hysterical then I am used to and there was a blankness to it. Actually hysterical is a good word to use, as I find that I have sudden moments of hysterics. For example I was thinking about Monday's weigh-in and I thought "if Im below the 440s" I thought about my moms positive reaction and me responding upset about how it wasn't good enough, not that I wanted to lose more, I actually don't know why, but the actual thoughts left me trembling and shaking. I curled up in my covers and waited for the thoughts and the feelings to go away. But now I genuinely fear not only the weigh in but I kind of have anxiety about losing weight further.

Well the rambling began again so I'm going call quits for this post

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