So Tuesday's appointment proved to be one of the more dramatic. It was the first time my psychiatrist  has ever called in my therapist for a sort of tag-team effort. As I've indicated in some posts last months my depression has been quite severe lately, my psychiatrist is quite worried I am slipping back to where I was before I originally started seeking treatment. She wants me to consider do a two week inpatient treatment  program to prevent further escalation. I rejected, but then agree  to consider it, the idea isn't sitting to well with me however. There's also been a change in my medication, the Lexapro is out, we are now going to try Prozac. I'm not very optimistic, simply because I remember how well the Lexapro seemed to work initially, same with the Zoloft. I won't get my hopes up to high.

My psychiatrist was tough on me about re-framing my thinking, and working more towards changing my Black or White thinking, which mirrors a lot what my therapist has been trying to do and say. She used this metaphor for charity fundraising, the group raising money draws big  thermometer (or whathaveyou) with lottle dots at certain intervals leading up to the end goal (say, 50k), each time they get a little donation, they color in the thermometer to the dot amount they are currently up to. I thought it was a nice concept but told my psychiatrist, therapist tag team duo, this concept couldn't be applied to my situation and weight. That's when my psychiatrist said "it's clear you understand the concept, but your thinking is too either black or white". "Either you're 180lbs or you're miserable and that is  the way to think" and obviously you can't get to 180lbs without hitting the Lbs that come before it first (which again echoes my therapist) but noted that since I was being so stone set thinking a certain way with her I'm probably doing the same with my therapist during our sessions. Ironically I think I was aware of this issue when I changed the affirmation in therapy months back to "I'm willing to making changes in my thinking" as I must have become self aware of this issue on my own.

So where to we go from here? I have to take therapy more seriously, and start doing the homework. Start actively trying to change my thinking.


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