I Took A Walk

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Yesterday was a pretty solid day. I went for my walk at the park with my friend, it seemed to have taken longer than before. I wore more comfortable shoes, but they clearly brought down my momentum of speed, I burned 291 calories. For breakfast I had a bowl of Apple Jacks.  For lunch I snacked on some chips and for dinner I had some left over chicken and baked fries. I consumed a grand total of 1,245 calories, and was just below my sodium goal. I Have my first therapy appointment set for tomorrow, and Thursday I have both my follow-up appointment with my doctor, and the casting for my orthotics with the podiatrist. Today I will be following the goal of the week, no other plans really. I told my friend about the scale I got a while back and he ordered one, it came in this morning, he found out he weighs 417 pounds. He thought he was much higher so he was a bit happy, that being said it put some things into prospective for me. I weigh just under a hundred pounds more than him. ...
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Hospitalized Once Again

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I've Spent the last 5 and a half days in a behavioral health facility or psychiatric unit of a hospital after seeing my psychiatrist last Wednesday. In short, I told her I  was suicidal and had a few ideas or plans but lacked the courage for follow-through. This lead to me being taken to the hospital via police transport. For the second time in my life I was in a psychiatric unit of a hospital, but this time it wasn't voluntary. This one was also  quite larger than the last one I had been to, with many more patients. My anxiety was pretty high the first night, I was talked to by various doctors who often asked the same questions what seemed like hundreds of times, and there was this lingering feeling of shame just for being there. Now once again the entire family would know how unhinged I've been, and I'd much rather a lot of them stay in the dark than to know and continue not to give a crap. It was a lot more structured than the Behavioral Health Pavilion, there were...
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Homework For Therapy

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Deservability exercise Answer the following questions as best you can. They will help you understand the power of deservability 1. What do you want that that you're not having A nice social life, having lots of supportive friends. Having things to do regularly. Going places, seeing things, enjoying life. 2. What were the rules/laws in your home about deserving? What did they tell you? Honestly I do not know, it was a bit of a mixed bag, on one end I remember as a child that working hard for something means you deserve an award or praise, and if you were bad then the bad things that would inevitably happen to you were deserved. I was mostly spoiled so I actually didn't have to earn a lot of the things I  deserved . I don't think my mother felt deserving, she had rather turbulent relationships both with family and her significant other, that I think made a lasting impression on her and the way she viewed herself. 3. Do you feel like you deserve? Not really, I f...
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