Do I Feel I Have Support?

I spent a few days with friends over the weekend. I had plans to do things different, they knew of my weight gain and how it affected me and even apologized for their contribution and claimed that they were starting to eat healthier themselves. The reality of things was the contrary however, someone decided to order two large pizzas Sunday,  I had several slices. Today I decided to leave. I had to get out of that environment.

It really forced me to look at things deeper, its early in the month and Ive already given in to poor eating habits.  I think I'm just going to have to go on hiatus from visiting those friends indefinitely, maybe Ill figure out another solution out down the line but for now this is what I have to do.

Peoples actions often contradict the things they say which is why I faced such hard battles with distorted thinking last year. I'm not in any type of bad place about this at the moment, but this is just some clarity that in terms of going backwards, there are more people in my life who will gladly enable and promote this process than, gladly enable and promote my progress. Its the craziest thing. No one ever goes, hey you're doing so good on your journey should  you be having that, but Ive been literally encouraged to indulge in things that Ive cut off or out with good reason.

This isn't a rant, or something clouded in distorted thinking its just the reality of things. Do I have support? There are people who are supportive of my weight loss, absolutely, pretty much everyone is supportive of that, is there anyone actively in my ear that would hold me accountable, asking me questions, interested (excluding my therapist and online community)? No. This doesn't hurt me thee way it used to because I know people are happy for the success Ive made, but aren't exactly thinking Ill be long term, wouldn't be surprised if I gained all that weight back or don't exactly believe in me. In the end I suppose this journey isn't for anyone but myself, so who cares what they think.

Time to turn the page.



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