March 2017 Weigh-in: +2
Ive gained weight, an even 2lbs. I weighed in a 344.8 up from 342.8. I'll never adjust to a gain, I immediately went right back to bed and began the process of psychological torment that I typically do in these cases, beating myself down, thinking about how I'm now down an entire month of progress, then to the regret and soon I started to wonder if I had been noticing those 2lbs somewhere, maybe in my face, maybe in my gut, or arms, maybe something wasn't fitting right. Literally every time I gain any amount of weight I get convinced (a lot of the time before the result) that I can see or feel the gain somewhere.
The bad thing about my weigh-ins before was that they could set the mood for an entire week, well this year now that Ive switched to monthly they can set the mood for an entire month, I have to wait an entire month to rectify the situation and this dark cloud will be hovering over me the entire time. I feel like every time I gain weight I have to mourn something, it really feels like I am in mourning, mourning the loss of opportunity to move forward. Its 2 lbs in the grand scheme of things it should be nothing to me I should easily move past it, but I cant its like one of those giant cartoon acme weights holding me in place like a magnet.
This is my fault. I broke trend so many times last month. Now I have to suffer and try to reverse, and try not to dive into depression (deeper anyways).
The worst part about this is that I feel like I should be punished, like literally punished, punched, kicked, thrown in a river, anyways, emotions are high and possibly distorted at the moment so Im going to end this here.