March 2017 Weigh-in: +2



Ive gained weight, an even 2lbs. I weighed in a 344.8 up from 342.8.  I'll never adjust to a gain,  I immediately went right back to bed and began the process of psychological torment that I typically  do in these cases, beating myself down, thinking about how I'm now down an entire month of progress, then to the regret  and soon I started to wonder if I had been noticing those 2lbs somewhere, maybe in my face, maybe in my gut, or arms, maybe something wasn't fitting right. Literally every time I gain any amount of weight I get convinced (a lot of the time before the result) that I can see or feel the gain somewhere.

The bad thing about my weigh-ins before was that they could set the mood for an entire week, well this year now that Ive switched to monthly they can set the mood for an entire month, I have to wait an entire month to rectify the situation and this dark cloud will be hovering over me the entire time. I feel like every time I gain weight I have to mourn something, it really feels like I am in mourning, mourning the loss of opportunity to move forward. Its 2 lbs in the grand scheme of things it should be nothing to me I should easily move past it, but I cant its like one of those giant cartoon acme weights holding me in place like a magnet.

This is my fault. I broke trend so many times last month. Now I have to suffer and try to reverse, and try not to dive into depression (deeper anyways).

The worst part about this is that I feel like I should be punished, like literally punished, punched, kicked, thrown in a river, anyways, emotions are high and possibly distorted at the moment so Im going to end this here.

Comments

  1. Hey - we all make little choices that add up to bigger things. That's the reason I gained 25 pounds 2 years ago (after losing 80) and have only taken 10 off! It's an every day, every hour struggle. But guess what - you can do it! One good choice at a time and you've got this!!!

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  2. You're okay. Accept a virtual hug or three. Take a breath. (TRUST: You're even better than okay, look back over the long haul and see what you've accomplished and how far you've come.) I get the disappointment. I get the frustration (I'm facing the same thing). But. Step outside yourself for a tiny bit (humor me) and pretend you are being kind to a friend in the same situation. Two pounds can be seen as maintaining your weight (anything plus or minus 2 pounds is virtually the same, weight--think about it: it's a less than a one percent variation).

    Also, you might talk to your therapist about weighing more frequently, but ONLY if you can view that number as JUST one piece of information. Think about the percentage power display on your tablet-- it is JUST an indicator of whether it has full power, or whether it needs a bit of attention (by plugging the tablet into a power source). The number on the scale is JUST an indicator, not a judgement.

    Now, even if you don't buy anything I said in the last paragraph, please please think about this: you are precious and worthy just because you exist. (I know: distorted Brandon doesn't believe this.) And I know what it's like to want to physically punish yourself. You deserve compassion. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve respect and kindness, and NONE of that depends on a number on a scale. So: treat yourself with respect, compassion and kindness, just like you would a friend who is struggling.

    Thanks for reading my rambling, but I really feel like I get where you're coming from, because I've lived it. Does living through it instantly make me like myself all the time? Nope. But every day is an opportunity to practice self kindness. It's a challenge, but you are so worth it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for such a passionate response, I truly appreciate it.

      My therapist actually did mention weighing in more frequently, even suggesting I just weigh-in again next week to see if Ive lost the 2lbs but I knocked that idea down, because truly weekly weigh-ins are much worse for me. I had a very reactive reaction to gaining this time, but that's sort of typically me, but already I'm handling this better than in the past because I'm ready to move forward.

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