Where Does My Life Go From Here?

That is not a rhetorical question. Feels like my weight loss journey has been on hold, I've been eating recklessly. I'm not understating like I normally do. With stress and with so much on my mind, I've just kind of turned off. My mother was rather insensitive yesterday and self involved. She went out with my now only living grandmother, to a casino boat the entire day and didn't even ask me how I was doing. How did I do? It was a rocky day, and it all hit me later in the afternoon, everything, the death, the funeral, the revelation, the unalterable nature of it all! I did manage to go to therapy thanks to a friend, and that was unarguably the most powerful session I've had yet. I told her about the my recent revelations, we touched down on those for awhile, and before I knew it the session was over. It was just a hard day. I did not stop to see dad, or the family, and I'm not sure when I will.

I keep asking myself where do I go from here. This has been a rather awful year. How do I piece my self together knowing what I know. I feel like I just don't care. Or I'm beginning not to. Do I even dare try to pick up the pieces because, so far, every time things have even had a glimmer of starting to look up for me, I get hit with just wave after wave of setbacks. This most recent bout has changed everything it feels like. How do I move on now? How do I? And why? Why move on? Do I even want to lose weight anymore!? Isn't that crazy?  I don't know. I'm at the extreme of a lot of emotions right now.


I did start slacking on my medications pretty hard this week, inconsistently taking everything, it's been about 3 days since I've even taken my antidepressants. I'll return to form tomorrow I guess.