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This week has arrived faster then I could have imagined. I feel so completely out of control. I would like to thank everyone for your kind and powerful words on my Demons posts, it's a brand new dark element in my life that I honestly just did not need to discover! I likedmy previous notions, that I was just a kid that just decided that food was so good I had to have all the time, and maybe at times I just got lonely and ate, but my reality is just awfully, and living with that and what it's done to me, honestly, this next part my life, this next phase, the rest of my life, will be harder to face than ever. I just wish this whole past week never happened, talk about deep impact. There were times I thought about taking that post down, I still find it scary to think that people can read that story, Im still rather shocked that I ever decided to write about it.

I seriously cannot believe it's Monday, it feels like my days are just gliding by, I'm moments away from complete sanity detachment. I cancelled an appointment today and the lady on the phone gave me a hard time, even when I told her the circumstance she still seemed be upset! I can't win. I took me three days to write the post I put up right before this one, I just haven't been able to sit and write for longer than 2 minutes before today, or to think longer than a sentence or two at a time. So it was saved as a draft. I just haven't  been able to write so I apologize  for my absence lately, hopefully you all understand. Once I was delivered the news about grandma I didn't track my food anymore, I didn't eat too much over the week, but over the weekend I had nothing but fast food for every single, meal. I'm down a perfectly even 3 pounds this week. So now I'm 470.6 previously 473.6.

I've got basically a day to decide of I'm going to that funeral. Even though if I decided to go I don't have funeral attire. Even though if I don't go I will likely be subject to lots of ridicule, even though if I go I'll be exposed to extreme heat and insane amount of people I dont know which would trigger my anxiety! Really I just have to choose which battle I'd rather lose. The worst part is, when it's all said and done, I'll be worse off, because of what's come to light, and no one even knows about it. Well except you'll of course, my loving blog family. Uncertain times are ahead.

Comments

  1. Don't worry about your clothing for the funeral or what others might say Brandon. Try to push past the anxiety (I know, easier said than done!) so that you don't regret not going one day. Funeral's are really for the living and you want to say good bye to your grandma.

    Don't feel too uneasy about sharing on your last post. I left you a comment with my experience and felt very weird about it afterwards too. But I wanted you to know that you're not alone. There's a saying that says: we're only as sick as our secrets, so sometimes it's good to get the bad stuff out. Your readers seem extremely kind and compassionate and no one here will judge you.

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