Weight In: This Isn't A Victory

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Without any context at all, here is my calorie and sodium intake from yesterday

Calories 4,145

Sodium 12,342
Last time I weighted in at 495 pounds, this week I'm 491. I lost a few. It doesn't feel earned, or deserved. This is not a victory. I believe I have had some kind of fundamental shift, and my weight loss downfall is imminent. I'm  just not into it anymore. I guess I know myself pretty well sometimes, don't I? I knew I could not take a walk on the wild side without it sending me into a spiral. It's not just this weekend, although, I truly realized how much I miss food freedom. King for two days it seemed. I'm just exhausted with the road ahead, it's truly never ending.

I'm still in the 490s, I'm huge, that's a ton of weight to lose! It's overwhelming, I guess I'd rather be morbidly obese and fat, but able to indulge myself. Than to be spending the next X amount of centuries trying to lose weight, and hating it. I mean I have as many personal battles within now, as I did before I started this journey. Things were supposed to get better! A year ago I was blissfully ignorant and naive. I didn't have high blood pressure, some weird skin thing, I didn't have a vitamin D deficiency,  or major depressive disorder. At least, not officially, and best of all I got to eat away my problems! I've been battling myself on this journey since the start, second guessing every step, and I think it's high time to admit it, that I'm not going to beat obesity!

So where does this leave me, no where. I'm left with nothing. I can't bare to wait X amount of years to see results, and I can only last a few months of binge emotional eating before the delusion wears off, and the depression takes over. I am doomed

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