I Am The Same, I'm The Same. I'm Trying To Change
|Fear & Loathing|
It wasnt the greatest week, I only worked out on that one day, Monday. I felt no motivation to do it any other day. The past few days, I haven't been able to blog because I havent been able to sort out my thoughts. My head seems to be constantly underwater, I'm trying to accept family matters, even as I realize home is a melancholy pit. I'm becoming slightly undone, I wish could I be more resilient and assure myself that all of this is going to pay off, and to stay strong and to stick to it. There is a very dark clout around me, a negative space that I really can't shake.
I'm reminded a lot lately of my deep depression that kick started my journey in 2014, just in my day to day thinking. A sort of mental agony, wanting so badly to get out of it, out of that life, out of that body, and how I never thought it would get worse than that until it did last year multiple times, and got pretty bad earlier this year too. At the current rate I'm going I can easily start downhill snowballing soon into probably the worst depression ever, I'm going to try to circumvent this however, by reading, drawing, exercising regularly, watching, movies, and tv shows. Keeping my mind filled with things and caring less about the family.