I've Been Under Self-Restoration
Here I am the lion-hearted boy taking on 2017. I was thinking once again about my 2016, and I think that year can really be labeled the battle against depression. In 2015 I think I gave in to it a lot more, the psychical activities that I did incorporate into my life truly had a powerful impact, but in 2016 I actually battled the depression hard, I became so much more aware of my condition and how I operate. That didn't exactly translate into smooth sails, it was probably one of the most difficult years for my depression ever.
When I went down I went way down, when I went up I went way up, but I learned and still learned and kept battling even when things got darker and darker. Luckily I was open enough to share my inner despair with my psychiatrist who promptly had me hauled away kicking and screaming, chained, shackled and sedated and sent to a psychiatric unit of a hospital. I suppose there was no kicking and screaming or chains and shackles nor sedation, but the last part is true. I feel like I got the most out of my stay through reflection. That was at the cliff of the year, right before Christmas and things started becoming clearer after that.
I spent most of that year fighting inner battles that I myself had distorted, which is a very powerful effect of depression, distorted-thinking. I often fall in that line quite easily, and when you're trying to change something as trivial as your body and life it can be pretty damaging. I've gotten better at noticing this lately, actually a lot. I almost feel different in the way I have been dealing with sudden obstacles thrown my way recently, I've had to step back once and go okay maybe I was heaving into distorted thinking during this episode, I've literally had to get myself out of an anxiety attack by changing my own thinking "things are going to be fine" "you've got control" etc. I just feel better, I think it took battling a year against depression to get here. I really am in the best place I can recall ever being, there is a calm, sensible morale about myself when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed or my anxiety is getting high, I begin utilizing my de-stressers, Instagram is a big help, I've recently been called a role-model (lil', big ole me), I think exercising everyday helps, I talk with my mom more, I've been reorganizing, my days don't feel so empty as they did.
This doesn't mean I've concurred depression and I'm cured it just means I have a grasp on it I think for the first time and I'm finally making it past a mental plateau I've been stuck in for seemingly years.
Im considering taking pictures again when with my camera which is something I had been putting off because of weight and social anxiety but I'm thinking of going for it early. Shooting places and things, it's a thought.
When I went down I went way down, when I went up I went way up, but I learned and still learned and kept battling even when things got darker and darker. Luckily I was open enough to share my inner despair with my psychiatrist who promptly had me hauled away kicking and screaming, chained, shackled and sedated and sent to a psychiatric unit of a hospital. I suppose there was no kicking and screaming or chains and shackles nor sedation, but the last part is true. I feel like I got the most out of my stay through reflection. That was at the cliff of the year, right before Christmas and things started becoming clearer after that.
I spent most of that year fighting inner battles that I myself had distorted, which is a very powerful effect of depression, distorted-thinking. I often fall in that line quite easily, and when you're trying to change something as trivial as your body and life it can be pretty damaging. I've gotten better at noticing this lately, actually a lot. I almost feel different in the way I have been dealing with sudden obstacles thrown my way recently, I've had to step back once and go okay maybe I was heaving into distorted thinking during this episode, I've literally had to get myself out of an anxiety attack by changing my own thinking "things are going to be fine" "you've got control" etc. I just feel better, I think it took battling a year against depression to get here. I really am in the best place I can recall ever being, there is a calm, sensible morale about myself when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed or my anxiety is getting high, I begin utilizing my de-stressers, Instagram is a big help, I've recently been called a role-model (lil', big ole me), I think exercising everyday helps, I talk with my mom more, I've been reorganizing, my days don't feel so empty as they did.
This doesn't mean I've concurred depression and I'm cured it just means I have a grasp on it I think for the first time and I'm finally making it past a mental plateau I've been stuck in for seemingly years.
Im considering taking pictures again when with my camera which is something I had been putting off because of weight and social anxiety but I'm thinking of going for it early. Shooting places and things, it's a thought.
