Eating Disorder

Okay. Maybe I'm a little worse than I realized, I'm following a guy on Instagram who's peak weight is   What mine was, over 600. He has been losing weight all naturally and quite rapidly and often posts his MyFitnessPal food and exercise calories-in and burned-out intakes and well.... He has clearly developed an eating disorder, he eats about 300-500 calories in food tops and then burns several times that in exercise. Will he be able to sustain this long term after weight loss? Probably not. However, his results are very clear, he just recently had his first skin removal procedure. He weighs less than me (he is in the 200s) and I believe he started in less time. He also has the exact same goal weight as I do, which I only recently discovered because I'm positive it wasn't the same before (so naturally I'm in my head as to why it is now).

Earlier I had the luxury of having to stare at myself in a giant glass reflection of a window and I was just not pleased. I began to think back to when I was right at the precipice of an eating disorder in 2015 right before I started seeing my dietitian. I wondered how much weight I would have lost if I had become equally as dedicated to that as I been given to the overall process. Would I already be at my goal weight, or very close? It was a toxic string of thoughts but I've been having them all day, I haven't been reckless with my weight loss journey in a very long time, and suddenly I'm remembering why I ever was reckless to begin with. Faster results. I'm always complaining about the length of time this is taking, but I could potentially shorten it by drastically slashing my calories again and continuing the exercise. The reality though is that the length of time and the amount I've lost so far is technically very remarkable.

Regaining is the issue, I'm pretty enlightened and I know when these destructive habits meet the finish line everything goes belly up, and gaining the weight back especially under these circumstances is almost certain (and going back simply is not an option do-you-understand?). I have a really good grip on nutrition right now and I know gaining weight back once reaching the finishing line (whenever the hell that will happen!) won't be an issue. It's having the patience and trying to get past my own mental obstructions is seemingly the biggest challenge .

Anyways I'm not going to do anything crazy, but gosh I really want this to hurry up, I also don't want to set any poor examples for anyone watching me who might be on a journey of their own. Sadly even Nathan has developed an eating disorder that he has to seek counseling for now, I seen his warning signs mid last year and didn't talk to him about it but I should have, I wish I did. What matters is he is getting help. The other guy I can't be certain of, he is aware he has a problem but I'm sure he is using it to his advantage at the moment. Best of luck to him, and to me.

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