Well, Lets Talk About My Appearence


So here I am again,  in a funk about my appearance, I've been hear  for a little bit but I guess now I'm at my simmering point.  I was at a pretty okay state, I mean I was never happy or satisfied by any means, but I was okay. Then I take a picture and and every time I'm a little less okay, and now I'm feeling a certain depression monster hovering over my shoulders waiting to unleash the haze.

I felt like this was the year that I would eventually stop having these image issues but, the truth is that it  really heavily relies just how much weight I lose, because it seems I'm pretty hard wired to not be okay with the sight of me. I'm just waiting for the slightest sign of "thinness" where I'm starting to not look overweight, where I'm clearly in the final stages of obesity and I don't believe that is something that can be seen now, I certainly can't see it.

Also, for goodness sake I look awful in bright clothing, I mean I know the rule about wearing dark things but gosh! I feel like a lot of this is do to my very recent wearing of a white shirt, and a blue shirt a couple weeks ago, both of which in picture form I did not look great in. In most cases I would never wear white or yellow, but I found one of my brothers old 4x shirts from his bigger days and decided to add to my collection, and I just look so gross in the thing, as for the blue shirt, I really miss my old one that was much darker and also in size 10x that basically disintegrated from wear-and-tear. All this makes me just want to nest up in my old bigger shirts, which honestly I only have a couple left now, they hide me so well.

Also I don't know what's going on with my face, I almost have a visible neck but my face somehow looks bigger to me in recent pictures than older ones from last year. What is this!? Okay actually this is almost certainly my body dysmorphia but it would be super cool if it would chill, take a break for awhile.


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