Tinder Loving Care



Because I like to punish myself, a while back I created a Tinder profile. It all started because I was helping a friend pick out pictures, and what to put in the bio of his. I knew in my heart of hearts, and my minds-eye that I should not venture down that road, but much like the dead cat that was too curious for its own good, so was I.

So I made the profile and proceed to use the app as intended, swiping left occasionally, swiping right occasionally, it seemed a little fun at first. Then my brain happened, the thinking, the analyzing, the fun was over pretty fast. So I did get some matches but the Tinder culture is set up very predictably once you think about it, that being that its a very superficial platform, some people just endlessly swipe right to see who will match with them just to feed their ego, then they unmatch you. The first time this happened to me I was completely thrown, but I got over it and just came to expect that some matches are going to vanish (sometimes before I could even see who the match was).

The other thing about Tinder culture is people wait to send any kind of message, no one wants to be the first, far more often than not I was the first, this wasn't the issue, the issue was trying to figure out why someone matched me to begin with if they were never going to respond, or I would  get a response and its just awkward because you've based your interest off of two things, a small bio, and images. I've learned that in Tinder culture, reading the bios is rare, I always read the bios. Starting up a conversation with someone based on so little is kind of ridiculous challenging, in the sense that its a dating app (there really should be something more that connects you to the other person besides a sometimes cheesy bio. You might have nothing in common or their bio was full of crap and they are nothing like that flash impression you had from reading their it.

I did meet one person who I would actually become friends with, we actually talked on the phone, which you could imagine was not my suggestion! It went well though, but I soon realized that we weren't really romantically compatible, but would make good friends. My issue came with the time in-between matches, or wondering why I wasn't getting more, or seeing people who were abundantly  out of my league, and then once you realize just how superficial the app is you wonder, am I just plain ugly? I've deleted and re-downloaded the app 3 times, I currently don't have it. I'm just not ready for it, I don't have the self-esteem for it.

I might give it another go later down the line, in the end I'm not even ready to date I have too many insecurities related to my weight at the moment, and I also kind of think I would be better off meeting someone the old fashioned way. Anyways my therapist and psychiatrist were happy to hear that I ever gave it a go, it means that I've made some kind of progress personal-growth wise even, if in the end it was no good for me

Comments

  1. It *is* definitely progress, and I'm glad you can re-frame it that way! (No way would Brandon from two or three years ago would have ever tried it, right?) I think you're also very smart for realizing that like Facebook and other social media stuff, Tinder can be even more challenging-- I'm not sure how anyone copes with that level of social interaction based on physical images only. It doesn't seem healthy to me, unless the person using it really doesn't give a hoot how they're perceived, and I don't know anyone like that!

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    1. Thank you. So much of what you said is a complete touchdown "I'm not sure how anyone copes with that level of social interaction" like honestly its mind-boggling.

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  2. Oh I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation to have a little play with Tinder too. I am fascinated by my friends adventures on it. I can see they mostly struggle with so many time wasters, guys who just say "hey" and then disappear or guys they have conversations with and then cancel every single date they try and set up. It looks frustrating for sure and, like you, I don't reckon my self esteem could handle it. Dating looks hard!

    Good on you for having a go and dipping you toe in the water. :)

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    1. Thank you, yeah the self-esteem needs to be I think at an elevated level of strength to use it, because I think it would weaken almost anyone's. Someone like me, well it just eats me alive.

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