Beg1n

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Today begins the first day of my fast. Was supposed to begin two days ago, but I just wasn't ready.  Im as ready as I can be now. What after the fast, what after I get back on my regular routine and things are fine for a few weeks?

What when the inevitable problem occurrence occurs and start eyeballing food to cope, then what? Does it all go to hell again? 

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A Fast Friday

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Well this day kind of just came and went. For breakfast I had scrambled cheese eggs, toast, hash browns and turkey bacon. I couldn't even eat the entire piece of bacon, I'm so sick of turkey bacon, I just couldn't do it, I gave my remaining pieces to my mom. I realized that even though I was supposed to stop the fasting since last week. I've been doing it almost everyday. It wasnt until yesterday that it dawned on me I skipped lunch or snacks all week. For dinner I had two tuna egg salad sandwiches with sliced tomatoes and onions with some 7UP. I didn't do too much today, I didn't go walking or anything productive really. I did watch another documentary called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. I plan to watch the sequel this weekend sometime. I unfortunately got to bed quite late, after 1am. My sleep, lately has not been great, I toss and turn now more than I can ever recall. Calories 2,052 Sodium 4,760
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View this post on Instagram And for z reveal. So the past few weeks I’ve been testing the seas and have ultimately decided alternate day fasting is for me. I was trying a few different methods. I learned that I enjoy not eating as much as I enjoy eating, meaning that I just enjoy not having to worry about eating anything. So with my alternate day fasting I eat a day, fast a day but on days I eat I have an eating window of about 6 hours, then I fast the entire next day, just water, and on the following day eat again, but during the eating window which is 4pm to 10pm. So technically the fast is longer than a day. I realized my threshold is 3 days (of straight fasting)for optimal performance. Obviously I’m not going 3 days, although it was considered, because of course it was, it’s me after all. Truth is the alternate day fasting system I’ve landed on is quite a compromise from what I was really aiming for during my trials. I reasoned wi...
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Crumbling Cookie

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Well I found out early today that my brother wouldn't quite be making his debut today because he would have to make several bus trips over several days. This somehow eased my anxiety, I mean why not? For the time-being I'll take prolonging the inevitable, which historically worsens my anxiety . I was told he wouldn't be making it here until around Friday, however later in the day, near the end,  I'm told there has been a miscalculation and he will be home sometime tomorrow. Anxiety currently sky high. Tomorrow will be quite the test, I am quite thankful that I have therapy on the same day, as my mind keeps going to dark places I have actually entertained the possibility of voluntary commitment, of course it would likely derail weight loss and what's the point of being committed if it's just going to make you worse off? Then I'll just end up in a worse off state where I end up on involuntary terms . In other news I had a doctors appointment today, it'...
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