Seeking Refuge In Food

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I'm In the bad place

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Yesterday was a pretty solid day. I went for my walk at the park with my friend, it seemed to have taken longer than before. I wore more comfortable shoes, but they clearly brought down my momentum of speed, I burned 291 calories. For breakfast I had a bowl of Apple Jacks.  For lunch I snacked on some chips and for dinner I had some left over chicken and baked fries. I consumed a grand total of 1,245 calories, and was just below my sodium goal. I Have my first therapy appointment set for tomorrow, and Thursday I have both my follow-up appointment with my doctor, and the casting for my orthotics with the podiatrist. Today I will be following the goal of the week, no other plans really. I told my friend about the scale I got a while back and he ordered one, it came in this morning, he found out he weighs 417 pounds. He thought he was much higher so he was a bit happy, that being said it put some things into prospective for me. I weigh just under a hundred pounds more than him. ...
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Hospitalized Once Again

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I've Spent the last 5 and a half days in a behavioral health facility or psychiatric unit of a hospital after seeing my psychiatrist last Wednesday. In short, I told her I  was suicidal and had a few ideas or plans but lacked the courage for follow-through. This lead to me being taken to the hospital via police transport. For the second time in my life I was in a psychiatric unit of a hospital, but this time it wasn't voluntary. This one was also  quite larger than the last one I had been to, with many more patients. My anxiety was pretty high the first night, I was talked to by various doctors who often asked the same questions what seemed like hundreds of times, and there was this lingering feeling of shame just for being there. Now once again the entire family would know how unhinged I've been, and I'd much rather a lot of them stay in the dark than to know and continue not to give a crap. It was a lot more structured than the Behavioral Health Pavilion, there were...
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Partially Eaten Fish Head

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I am an addict.  Why would you do something that deliberately destroys you or your body , is what the thought that goes into my head when I hear about people addicted to hard drugs. Okay the thought isn't quite that generic but that's the point. You know what that drug is capable of, what it will almost undoubtedly do to your body, why start it? People start drugs for many reasons, I started my food (drug) as a child to cope. You're warned about drugs as a child, told not to smoke, stay away from alcohol, even condition to try not to get fat. But no one tells you that you can get addicted to food, and young child you cant articulate that you are addicted to food and have an emotional reliance on it too for the exact same reasons (what ever they may be) as some who is shooting up heroin or cocaine. Breaking the habit at any age is hard. Its strange being an adult, seeing the wrong and repeating it anyways. Its like you are on a little raft drifting down a river abou...
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