Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Everything is in place. I weighed in at 543.0lbs. That’s an intimidating number I must say but I’m ready to start knocking it out. I’m going to do this in spite of my borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, and ADHD. These things will make my journey harder but I have to manage. Manage to lose. I let a lot of people down by refusing to get weight loss surgery, many people don’t think I can lose it own my own anymore. And that really grinds my gears. But what’s in the past is in the past, and it’s fair to think a 500+lb individual can’t lose  the weight on their own, after all, there are people who weight less than me on tv shows about getting weight loss surgery. So what chance do I have? You’ll see, you’ll all see. Future-self/ideal me, the dream is back

Beginning February 15th the weight loss journey will begin anew. Weight loss Journey 2021, no references to the past journey weight loss or gain. Everything will be defined by this particular journey. It all starts with a 48hr water fast. Then a eating routine that goes by these guidelines 

Once again on the precipice of getting weight loss surgery, I have cancelled it and opted to go it alone once again. The decision may seem crazy, cause partly it is but I just didn’t feel it was the right path to take, so I’m not.

A week into my post op Liquid diet and it’s only gotten marginally easier to deal with

The 26th is fast approaching and I’m a bit nervous. I’ve been suffering from Last Supper Syndrome. Trying to vacc down any and all foods I see fit before the liquid purgatory begins. Once I begin the liquid purgatory  I will stick to it, you have my word, it’s just the nightmare of getting there is in full affect. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, I’m actually currently dog-sitting a family friends pooch. I’ve dog sat before but always hate agreeing to it, it’s so much responsibility. And now with this extra weight it’s super taxing getting up and taking the dog out, not to mention it’s freezing. Can’t wait for Monday to get here so it can be over.

Since Ive decided to start making videos again, Ive been taking notice to the old videos I had hidden away from weight loss journeys past. One video from 2006 has me absolutely shocked that I was so rational back then. I had rational goals and expectations and that's something that I don't recall having very much of, ever! This was 2006 though, the year I graduated, I was even talking about going to college. My diet at the time was clearly going well. I was freshly 18 and and weighed maybe just under 350lbs. Funny thing is I was talking about joining a gym and even mention how there were a lot in town, but that was actually not the case. we had maybe 2 or 3, locally owned, small, not designed to accommodate larger people, gyms. Ah I remember the very editing program I speak of crashing on me back then Arcsoft Showbiz . If I could only turn back time. Take a look

If youve watched any of my recent videos you may have noticed I talk quite quietly, that's because I'm shooting ASMR.   Autonomous sensory meridian response  sometimes auto sensory meridian response, is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia , it has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia and may overlap with frisson. Wiki Basically a lot of arbitrary sounds at  very low frequencies, amplified. ASMR is one of the endeavors I want to delve into this year. I have hopes to build an audience and focus a lot of my time towards it.

It was one of my most challenging years. I ended the year weighing more and taking more medications than when it started. It was a bad year, hands down, but there were somethings that made it better. We've heard all about the bad stuff so here is the good stuff that happened in 2020. Animal Crossing New Horizons Ive played the Animal Crossing series since it first debuted in the U.S and its had a place in my heart ever since. Being the lone human in a village, town, city and now island amongst animal peers is surprisingly fulfilling. What do you do? Well you grow fruits and flowers and now vegetables, help your friendly animal villagers with tasks, fish, catch bugs contribute to a museum, swim, decorate and expand your house inside and out, visit friends friends island etc. Its an incredibly low stakes game that's very charming and just has you smiling all the time. I'm currently experience a bit of burnout with the game, but to be fair Ive put in a staggering 1,205 hours ...

Reflecting upon the last year. All attempts at weight loss ended in failure, I was put back on blood pressure medications, a brother of mine was arrested, a global pandemic began, lowdown, weight gain, mental instability,  my psychiatrist of over 5 years suddenly dropped me, a lot to unpack. Weight-gain was the theme of the year, after every weight loss attempt came regain 1.5x what I had lost. There was no motivation, I was running mechanically most the time hoping that suddenly something would spark and the rest would be automated, come naturally like it did years ago, but that didn't happen. I started walking at the park again, but it was ultimately short lived, I couldn't maintain the determination needed to keep that going. The worst part is my mom was relying on me. I do feel bad, but luckily she remained on a weight loss streak all year. She certainly didn't need me, though when I stopped walking so did she. Wondering where my rock-bottom is was a whole chapter of it...