I Must Be Broken Because I Can't

-
I can't like myself I can't believe in myself I can't be in a positive space about myself. I recently got comment on Instagram last week where someone said I was their role model. That's a pretty powerful thing to say, in fact that means I'm having the right effect though, that means I'm inspiring people. The heft of some the things being said doesn't register to the affect they should. I think it's because of this wall I have up against myself.

I've been seeing so many things  about weight loss journeys and liking and/or believing in yourself for them to workout, I was on someone's Instagram page today where I seen a post that said you can't wait to be thin, and I felt  I was being directly called out (obviously I wasn't). Still I'm realizing that the way I've been going about this isn't going to continue to work. Depression monster got the best of me today. I can't pinpoint anything that's triggering me.



So this is the next step, liking me. If this is even going to be a possibility it isn't going to be easy, I still remember the therapy sessions where I could not be hypothetical friends with another version of myself. In fact a lot of practices involving me and another me didn't go too well. Self improvement on an inner scale, seems that's where I'm heading now.

2013

Popular posts from this blog

Smooth Sailing

-
The week seems to have just glided by, it's almost over. I've been sleeping well, this morning however I woke-up feeling kind of out of it.  A recent comment mentioned going down in shirt sizes, that's interesting because my therapist has been saying I should do this for weeks, new clothes, it's a touchy subject. I'm not quite sure there is enough of a difference to warrant me getting new lower sizes. As I told my therapist (whom thought I was being ridiculous) I've laid in these shirts in so many different ways and contorted them that it's really no telling if weight loss  has anything to with this appearance. So I really don't want to go down lower in sizes and be disappointed, and then wouldn't going down in size make me look bigger anyways? I know the logic in that last bit is odd , but it just came to me, I can't rationalize it, but it seems valid as if this sentence. Mentally I'm mostly stable, however that picture of me by the campe...
Read more

I Watched Some Picture Films

-
I always like when people refer to movies as "picture films." I actually watched some movies over the weekend several days in a row. I even watched one this morning called The Loft , yesterday I watched The Account with Ben Affleck (so good). Its been really nice getting caught up in movie worlds for a little bit of time again, especially the horror ones, I really love a good spooky film. I watched one called From The Dark that was really good and I actually have a few to watch tonight so that should be scary fun. I got some Canadian bacon because I was told this was better for me than regular bacon because its considered lean or whatever, I also got some peanut butter 2 that I'm planning on making on an Instagram story video thing maybe today, its basically this powdery peanut butter you add water to that turns into normal peanut butter that has less fat and calories than regular peanut butter, so if you're following me on Instagram be looking out for that. How ...
Read more

Boot Camp Week Day Five

-
Image
The final day of boot camp week is upon us. Today the exercise goal is to complete the four mile challenge, which would give me a new miles per week peak. The food goal is simple once again, and the consistent goal of the week. Stay below 1,800 calories. I got news yesterday that my oldest nephew might be coming down for the weekend. That's pretty awesome news. His spring break starts today, but he'll only be here the weekend (versus the entire break previously), but   it wasn't set in stone so I'm not expecting anything.  He has been getting all A's in school this semester so far so I'm really proud of him. Today I'm getting blood work done, and will likely schedule  that follow up appointment.
Read more

Archive

Show more