I Feel Like I've Awakened Lately

Something powerful has changed within me, I at times wonder "will this pass" and I reset into my melancholy like times before? Something tells me from within "no" it's me. There has been a powerful shift I believe since entering and leaving the Behavioral health facility, a profound change through inner growth from reflection and by facing some realities.

Yesterday my brother stopped by to have a talk with me about how I've been doing and to give me a lecture and pep talk combo about why I can't think about doing anything irrational like ending my life and why I must keep on with my weight loss, but not rush it. It was a truly powerful and passionate speech he broke down, then I broke down. He really laid down just how much the family would be effected by the loss of me, it was tremendous. I took so much from this conversation, he said so many things that struck nerves, like how he believed it was my purpose to lose weight so I could inspire and help other people in the future to do the same. I've written here on the blog that if I make it to my goal weight I'd love to write a book, but the point of this blog is to inspire in the present, but he didn't know any of that but that speaks a bit to what he sees in me as a person though because he spoke a lot about my personality and potential. There was so much to take away from this, and take I did. The conversation had me thinking about the one I had just had with Melissa the day before. Though no tears were involved with that one.

I'd like to say I'm sorry to the readers of the blog who often get very concerned for me, I realize many of you care too and I've inspired quite a few people and it must be troubling when I enter such states of mind and I'm so dark and on the edge and disregard the positive or rational things you all say because of my depression or distortion or whatever. Things are going to get better, which, might, and probably does sound odd, coming from me.

Also group next week was pushed to Thursday, apparently registration is a specific day, so yeah. Next Thursday begins group.

Comments

  1. I missed you, Brandon, and missed all of your recent posts. I'm happy to read you again. Your updates are fantastic. I say that now but will say it, too, when they roller coaster up and down. You have a lot of people rooting for you. It's good to see your face. Welcome back.

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  2. I'm so glad that you're beginning to understand just how much people value and care about you, and how distorted thoughts can really trick you into believing otherwise. (And this is a good one to re-visit if you begin to forget.) Just like your brother asked you to keep on with your weight loss and not to rush it, it's the same with the transformation inside your head. No one is perfect, but YOU are PERSISTENT. And it's that persistence, over time, that leads to change; you are the proof of that! (Carry those thoughts with you, if you can.)

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