One Step At A Time

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Yesterday was a pretty solid day. I went for my walk at the park with my friend, it seemed to have taken longer than before. I wore more comfortable shoes, but they clearly brought down my momentum of speed, I burned 291 calories. For breakfast I had a bowl of Apple Jacks.  For lunch I snacked on some chips and for dinner I had some left over chicken and baked fries. I consumed a grand total of 1,245 calories, and was just below my sodium goal. I Have my first therapy appointment set for tomorrow, and Thursday I have both my follow-up appointment with my doctor, and the casting for my orthotics with the podiatrist. Today I will be following the goal of the week, no other plans really. I told my friend about the scale I got a while back and he ordered one, it came in this morning, he found out he weighs 417 pounds. He thought he was much higher so he was a bit happy, that being said it put some things into prospective for me. I weigh just under a hundred pounds more than him. ...
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Every Now And Then, I Kick The Living Sh*t Outta Me

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I know everything I need to know, that there is to know about nutrition. Lack of knowledge isn't my problem, I know what and when I'm doing wrong and continue anyways. In 2017 in the first half of the year before summer I reached a peak low weight of 320 , actually, 318, but I round up in this case because I hit 318 once and 320 multiple times. That was likely the true low anyways. So yeah 320. My dwindling reader base may remember that every time I got this low I shot up 5-15lbs, then got back down and repeated. There was clearly something psychosomatic about my inability to go any lower. Something within did not want me to continue to get lower, but why? Was I afraid of the realities of things? Maybe I was right, maybe everything would change and my social bubble would explode and I'd be involved in more endeavors and doing more. Maybe that meant I was scared that I wouldn't know who I was going to become, that the person I knew would be erased and maybe peop...
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Hospitalized Once Again

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I've Spent the last 5 and a half days in a behavioral health facility or psychiatric unit of a hospital after seeing my psychiatrist last Wednesday. In short, I told her I  was suicidal and had a few ideas or plans but lacked the courage for follow-through. This lead to me being taken to the hospital via police transport. For the second time in my life I was in a psychiatric unit of a hospital, but this time it wasn't voluntary. This one was also  quite larger than the last one I had been to, with many more patients. My anxiety was pretty high the first night, I was talked to by various doctors who often asked the same questions what seemed like hundreds of times, and there was this lingering feeling of shame just for being there. Now once again the entire family would know how unhinged I've been, and I'd much rather a lot of them stay in the dark than to know and continue not to give a crap. It was a lot more structured than the Behavioral Health Pavilion, there were...
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