The Not So Happy, Happiest Day Of My Life

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Here is a picture of me at my high school graduation. This should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but behind that perfected fake smile is a lot of pain. I had lost over 30 pounds my senior year walking 5 times a week, drinking plenty of waters, cutting back on meals and swapping junk foods for yogurt. But that 30 pounds lose was invisible to the naked eye, and I still was, and felt huge. I remember the outfit my mother bought me, she actually dared to buy me a 4x shirt from Kmart, I was struggle with 6x then, so this was shocking. To my surprise it it fit, though incredibly snug, and it left a good portion of my belly exposed, but she bought me some black stretching pants, I just had to wear them over my belly.

My mom said I Was handsome, but the truth was, I looked and felt a mess. And when I arrived at the high school it got worse. I was pretty much alone, as I looked around amongst my peers, looking for distant friends, I had no one. I simply stood in one spot until we had to board the bus which would take us to the place where the ceremony was held. I felt so out of place, the bus ride was just as bad. I hate looking at this picture, because I can see the pain, I couldn't enjoy what I had achieved because I was so distracted by my weight. I tried not to look anyone in the face for fear that I made catch them starring at me. I want to get to a point where I dont miss out on my life's enjoyable moments because I'm so worried about being judged, or looked at, or feeling fat.

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