Digging Deep To Carry On

Im back home today, my mother is already gone on her trip to the family barbecue out of town. Yesterday at my friends was particularly emotionally exhausting. My friend got into a trivial argument with his mother on the phone, but she said some truly astonishing things. Things that triggered not just my emotions, but my anxiety and depression. Not just that, but it just ruined the mellow day we were having up until then.

Im feeling kind of lost lately. I feel like I'm waiting to stumble upon my purpose. Because I keep getting back to this state where I feel like I have no purpose. I've been really struggling lately. It's amazing how I can be so humongous physically, but so minuscule in the grand scheme of it all. In weight loss news I think I might start back up my lowball calorie intake next week, indefinitely. Although this time the range will be 800-1200. I simple don't care about the side effects. It seems like I won't be satisfied until I'm thin, and the way I'm feeling is unbearable, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fast track this. Extreme low calorie intake is a mostly proven method. I could come to my senses by Monday, but I doubt it.


  1. Maybe a little part time job or doing some volunteer work would give you a sense of purpose and help you feel less lost? You seem really good with your nephews so maybe something with kids.

    My maintenance calories are 1200 and it's doable. You just have to eat a lot low cal things like veggies to keep full. It seems like you're losing well at whatever your current calorie amount is so maybe no need to lower it until you plateau. The only people I've known that were on 800 calories were medically supervised. They were on diets like Medifast or Optifast.

    Are you going to do anything special for Memorial Day?

    1. I've been seeing volunteer posters up around the city for some time now, for the upkeep of the cities flower posts, I've honestly been juggling the idea of volunteering to some degree for a while. The issue with the flower posts is they are in high traffic areas, thus exposure too high. My anxiety would be incomprehensible.

      I'm just wanting to fast track the weight loss, I'm never satisfied.

      Sadly, no. My family are either out of town (specifically for holiday), or are having their own special shindigs that I wasn't invited to.

  2. Don't feel bad; I'm on my own for the holiday as well. Everyone in my neighborhood will be grilling out tomorrow and I'll be eating a lean cuisine! It's a tasty one at least.

    I understand you want to fast track the weight loss but I encourage you to have patience.

    Regarding volunteering, have you ever thought of being a Big Brother? You would get matched up with a school aged boy to be kind of a positive role model. I know how much you enjoy your nephews and it's a one on one kind of thing so it might work.

    There are volunteer match websites you can check as well. Hope you find something you like.


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