The Weigh In And Other Things

Let's get right to it, shall we? Last week I weighed 489 pounds, this week I am 485. Down four pounds. I feel rather indifferent about it. 52 pounds since March (seems a bit low) Moving on...


I decided on what book I'm going to read, I was originally going to go with the Dean Koontz book, but after reading the Darkness On The Edge Of Town's description I became too intrigued not to give it a shot.
One morning the residents of Walden, Virginia, woke up to find the rest of the world gone. Just . . . gone. 


Surrounding their town was a wall of inky darkness, plummeting Walden into permanent night. Nothing can get in - not light, not people, not even electricity, radio, TV, internet, food, or water. And nothing can get out. No one who dared to penetrate the mysterious barrier has ever been seen again. Only their screams were heard. 


But for some, the darkness is not the worst of their fears. Driven mad by thirst, hunger, and perpetual night, the residents of Walden are ready to explode. The last few sane prisoners of this small town must prepare a final stand against their neighbors, themselves, and something even worse . . . something out there . . . in the darkness . . .

I'm sold. Something spooky and mysterious, oh yeah! If you can't tell I'm super excited! One of my online classes starts to day, I'm pretty freaking nervous for some reason, reminds me of how I felt when I first went to university. Im supposed to be spending a couple days at a buddies place this week, starting today, I have no reason for not going, yet I might cancel anyways . The whole group made plans to hangout this week, but I'm kind of in a semi-withdrawal state. Having that week off from therapy has proven to be.... Not ideal.

Thanks to a few comments, I made some sense of the snub from this weekend. That particular side of family doesn't know I've been losing weight, they live out of town so we don't have many exchanges. Normally they drop off and pick up my nephew, rarely getting out of the car. Historically speaking I've tried avoiding communication with nonessential family. I rushed to my room in the past and hid there for hours when unfamiliar or uncommon family would stop by (this's was the result of years of unsavory interactions, sinking in). In recent years I started expanding that to pretty much all people. It's gotten better this year in particular. 

I do remember when I was younger I was invited places about million times more often than now, but I always rejected them. My social phobia was in its beginning stages, but I was terrified of humiliating car situations (this is why I've made such a big deal about comfort in cars recently). I was once in the back seat of an older model Oldsmobile four-door car, it was so tight and awkward, to get out I had to open the door, and basically crawl with my hands literally on the ground, and slither the rest of my body out like a snake! It was horrifying, but situations like that happened all too often when I'd get into people's cars, so I'd simply avoid them entirely. 

Of course that's only part of it, but in combination with other issues and fears (like some family member stating the obvious, that I've gotten bigger) I wanted nothing todo with the public, travel, and the unfamiliar. So I suppose I am to blame for the snub. In hindsight though, I didn't seem to add the massive crowd at the event into the equation, I probably would been stricken with crippling anxiety, maybe even have a nervous breakdown. It's probably for the best I didn't go, for my own sake and for my nephews. Last thing I would want to do is ruin his big day by having some epic meltdown and have to be rushed home.

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