Ive been rather sleepy today. I've been sleeping or napping most the day, my mood seems calm. I've been thinking a lot about future-self/ideal me again. He doesn't seem impossible to obtain anymore, but I realize my image of him is very precise, I have a particular hairstyle, and I am skinny, 100% skinny, not a "healthier weight" or (finally) just noticeably smaller. I'm completely skinny. Skinny and toned, well not so much toned, actually I can't say for sure if sure toned is right, but I look great in "skinny guy clothes". I weigh 448 pounds, the guy I envision, he looks like he weighs like 180
Pounds, the road to get to him looks so long in light of my recent yoyoing. I need to spark the the fire.

Speaking of future-self/ideal me, my therapist wants to see the post I wrote about him several months ago. She originally wanted me to write up how I seen my future if I lost the weight  and I told her I had already did a piece like that on the blog, so we will go over it tomorrow, hopefully it won't be one of those cringeworthy things, like I'm sort of fearing.


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