Beast Of A Burden

It's really interesting what happens to me when I gain, as little as a pound or so, I always feel as though I can see it somewhere like immediately in my face (the worst place) or I can just feel it, some  cloths feel less loose than before. Its funny how that works when I gain I see it almost immediately, losing well Ive had very few instances where I've actually acknowledged the possibility of loss aside from the numbers. I guess why I'm bringing this up is since I'm still up by a pound, yesterday I glance in the mirror and just felt like my face was fatter than ever, and was kind of blown away at what just one pound could do. Granted I do have body dysmorphic disorder, and a one pound gain could be contributed to a number of things so this could be all in my head, still, I swear my face is fuller and rounder and plumper.

Today I'm going to go the gym, yesterday I didn't workout at all, I kept putting it off until later and later, then I just didn't feel like it. So from this point on I have to workout everyday of the week. Yesterday was a calm day, I ate accordingly, the new daily calorie goal is 2,211, I took in 1,553 yesterday. I was tweaking with a health and fitness app the other day, one that tracks steps and after I put in all my physical attributes it estimated that my ideal/goal weight should be between 157 and 162! This was obviously rather shocking as it is even lower than the goal weight I have currently set for myself, 180, which is rather controversial, now perhaps it wasn't low enough. I don't plan on changing it. Although I was once considering maybe raising it up, now that is simply completely out of the question. Also with those two new lower figures floating in the wind it makes me realize that I've been going even slower than I  realize (and I know this is going slow!). So I really need to start losing weight faster and more consistently.

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