What's Bothering Me?
Yesterday, the entirety of the day I had a lurking anxiety in my gut that I could not shake or explain, my overall mood was pretty well balanced so this was particularly odd. Throughout the day the anxiety slowly increased, but I would just barely notice. I kept asking myself what's this all about? I thought maybe the potential selling of my grandmothers house is having some kind of subconscious effect on me, but even that doesn't make sense. Maybe I feel guilty for not visiting dad in over a year, but I've been facing my own demons, the fact is it's probably for the best that I'm just now getting around to making this happen. So what is it?
My dad actually called me yesterday via my aunt Carolines phone, I was surprised to see her calling so soon after I had just talked to her the day before, but it all made sense once I answered. My dad wanted to talk to me, I guess she went to see him. We talked for a bit, "hey son" and it went from there. To be honest his conversation skills need improving, but he did sound good, genuinely sounded glad to hear from me. I told him I would be there to see him next week sometime (like Tuesday), and that was that.
The fact that I answered the phone is actually quite the accomplishment because I seriously hate my voice, I know I've mentioned this before, but, yeah, I try to avoid phone calls as the phone seems to enhance everything wrong with my voice. This is actually the second time this week I accepted a non-medical related call, I actually took a call from my friend Carlos earlier this week and we talked for a bit in spite of my horrid voice.
Back to the anxiety, by later in the evening my anxiety had suddenly spiked seemingly out of nowhere, around 11pm, it was rather bizarre, I felt like if it kept up it could lead into an all out anxiety attack, but why? I don't know if it's related to the therapy stuff I've been discussing lately, I'm in a good place with it, but I have to continue moving forward with it which is incredibly hard. My blog is my safest place and I'm still even afraid to bring it up here, which says a lot considering some of the subjects I've tackled. It both is and isn't a big deal. Anyways, I was able to circumvent an anxiety attack and really break out of that smothering anxiety by listening to music. I had an awful nights sleep though.