Trouble Asking For Help

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Let me tell you about a story. Few years ago when I was working at target we started having car problems, Ive never liked asking people for things, it makes me feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, awkward, and it gives me tremendous anxiety. I hate it. Well during those car problems I had to have my uncle give me a ride to work once. Ill never forget how that went, he agreed, reluctantly. The day of,  he calls to make sure I meet him outside before he even pulls up, I did, when I got into the car, his incredibly cramped car, the first thing I did was smile and thank ed him for taking me in that day. He responded promptly by crushing me to dust (verbally) for not having my license, he went on a tirade Id call it, it was one of the worst car rides Ive ever had, and worse, he was to pick me up too. He ruined what was already going to be a difficult day.

Events like that are a trend in my family. I rarely ask people for things, because I can think back to times when I was really young and would ask for something, and someone would react in a near hostile manner to the request, or they would be demeaning  for needing it, or become holier than thou for helping you. I observed similar situations whn my mother reached out to certain family members as well.

The car is once again having issues, it cut off on us the other night when I got off right in from of the house, that was lucky, but its looking like the car is going to need some kind of repairs, which means getting to work next week might really suck! Id take a bus if I didn't hate how incredible cramped they are, I would need a sitting  position and wouldn't be able to do the standing and that's always an issue with our buses, plus my experience with our public transpiration is that the people are just mean. I'm really hoping the problems is resolved magically before Tuesday.

Dreading the idea of having to ask somebody for a ride. Im stressing out about getting to work only to stress out while being at work because of the pain. ..........................................................................

This all is just too much.

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