Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Today was a bit harder on me mental health wise. My mind kept wanting to slip back to that familiar dark pit, but I fought it and mostly avoided going backwards. Another day of off eating but calories were 2,100. Yes over the goal slightly but its better than.... yeah I dont know. My moms birthday is tomorrow. Should be a fun day. Its also weigh in day, going to see the damage, stay tuned for that. Overall eating is down  this week considerably and water intake is up by like 1000% so thats good

Today was interesting, had leftover pizza for dinner, a my protein shake for brunch and mostly stayed in good spirits. I realized today the absolute need for losing weight as I noticed everything feels like a struggle, the slightest thing feels like a task, My knees and back hurt. I desperately need to change this course. Finally shop a video today, I'm not exactly happy with it but I dont hate it, but it was mostly for test purposes. Hopefully the next one will be better. We'll see

Almost my bedtime, figured Id squeeze a quick post in. Today was not perfect, I had homemade pizza for dinner( grandmas birthday request) it was divine however, it wrecked my calorie take. I almost recorded a video but I was too lazy to set up, maybe tomorrow. Any suggestions for topics? Anything you'd like me talk about? Please let me know. Therapist said she was proud of me today for all the recent developments, and someone else said I looked "radiant" that was very pleasant.

Today feels like its gone by pretty fast. I drank my water had my veggies, tracked everything. Its been a pretty solid day. I might start taking pics of my meals again. Im not always eating something " diet friendly " but if it fits in my calorie range than its fine. I tested out recording today, just sample audio visual stuff. Think I'm good to go for making blogs. or dare I say, mukbangs. This was today's dinner, I was craving noodles. This was teriyaki beef chow mien by Nissin , I added in one tuna pack, a cup of mixed broccoli and cauliflower and topped it off with some grated Parmesan cheese. 630 calories, worth every one!

The day has gone without a hitch. I did drop the ball on the vegetable route but that will be remedied tomorrow for sure. Feeling a lot less unhinged today, the new routine has given me some much needed structure. I haven't decided when I'll begin the exercises, I was thinking mid week, going to start on a lower level and gradually go up. Of course there is a 50% chance I will test the waters with going straight to the level I was before, just to gauge how far in I can get. In fact I think I'll do that. I'll do what I can and regain my endurance. That being said if I am able to do the full hour 5 mile  multi muscle walkout (walking + workout) I'd see some incredible results. Or so I say. I have to try to prepare my mental to accept that progress is happening, I dont want this journey to be like the last. Nearly completely blind to progress I was making and hating every bit of it. I slept great last night, hoping for a repeat. Being well rested really does have ...

I’m just trying to keep it together during these incredibly polarizing times. Too much affects me! Sometimes I feel like my emotions are like a feather in the wind. Never stays on a consistent path and just when you I’m on a steady flow the breeze takes me into another direction. It is a nightmare and with so much going on right now I feel like I’ve only got so much mental stamina left. Earlier I nearly had a breakdown at the thought of beginning this journey. I felt like what’s the point, why try to lose weight in times like this, it’s going to be hard, why make life any harder than it has to be right now. I was on the brink of an anxiety attack, and then the breeze shifted and I was calming down suddenly. I know I’m in this alone regardless of what anyone says. It’s crazy it’s so crazy to think that sticking to a plan consistently is all it takes for radical change. That’s how I got started I just stayed going. So why has it been so hard to bounce back. It’s like I’ve jumped on the...

Weighed in today. The numbers weren't pretty but i didn't expect them to be. Im back up to a whopping 510lbs. Close to total regain.. However Im putting an end to the rapid weight incline and plan to lose weight. I mentioned before that I was planning a 2.5 month accelerated weight loss it will officially begin Monday. Outline MAX 2,000 Calories; once per week refuel by eating a little over the recommend 3,590 calories Drink immediately upon wake. Minimum 80oz  water a day,  1 to 2 protein shakes a day 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar  take vitamins track everything wear watch Ease into exercising red meat no more than once a week Eat veggies write or vlog bed by 11, sleep

I’ve decided to make Saturday my official weigh-in. I don’t recall ever making Saturday my official day before and that’s mostly because it doesn’t feel like a day you weigh-in on, it’s the quintessential cheat day. But I need to challenge that mindset so now it’ll be weigh in day. Been dealing with alot emotionally, trying to understand myself better. Sometimes life really does seem so pointless. Im working to get my mental in a better place. Today I decided to rewatch an old season of the biggest loser to try to motivate myself further, by seeing their results. However I just ended up seeing all the flaws with the show and absoltely loathing Jilliaan Michaels. Shes a wretched, vile woman who should never have been given a platform to spew toxicity. Still, Im planning on starting a 2 and a half month weight loss transformation. Nothing crazy, but certainly polarizing. I seemingly got all the tools Ill need except maybe a new pair of shoes, I'm long overdue but they will wait. ...

I’ve recently enabled guest comments so you no longer have to sign in, register or use a social media account to leave a comment. I actually thought this was available by default but upon inspection learned it isn’t. Now it is, after you comment  you click the empty name field and click the tiny box

I’ve been stacking the dominoes so to speak . Lining things up to prepare for what could be the comeback of the century. I can’t wait for the motivation, I can’t wait for the inspiration. They aren’t coming. I just have to go , I just have to do . I surprised myself with what I was capable of when I changed my life to lose weight, I can do it again. I’ll never forget the feeling of hopelessness the idea of weight loss was back 2010, so hopeless that I knew any thing I tried would fail. It wasn’t in the realm of possibilities it wasn’t feasible. But in 2014 with a slow start I would go on to completely obliterate all the perceptions I had about losing weight and my ability.  Mental illness has played a bigger role than I liked to admit, I’ve never shied away from discussing my depression , anxiety PTSD but It took until this last year to realize I have less control over things than I’d like.  I know these problems won’t vanish with weight loss but it would help trem...

I've been managing to create new lows for myself, the other day someone from TLC's my 600lb Life reached out to me about joining the show. It was not the kind of message someone like me wants to see... maybe like 10 years ago sure. But now with all the problems I have with image and weight loss, for them to solicit me was quite the slap in the face, although Im sure they meant well, after all there are people who would jump at the opportunity. Not me A guy mistook me for a woman in a store the other day, that hasn't happened in so long, i had recently shaven, and I unfortunately bare an unusual amount of excess fat in my chest, plus I guess I dont have the deepest of voice! Still it was quite crushing. Still because of on-going therapy this wasnt as deep a cut as it could have been, Im almost proud of myself how well Ive been rolling with the punches.  Ive been on a weird eating cycle of basically eating everything. Admittedly its boredom based I want to get things back...