Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Just going to try to move past the last 5 days.

Things have been frustrating. After weeks of being in a caloric deficit I wasn’t getting results. In fact I was yoyoing in the same 4-7lb range. All this while walking daily. This past week as been an off week. I was dog-sitting for friends so I didn’t go walking at the park and my eating wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great. I did go over my calorie limit by 800 calories one day. My sodium intake the past week has probably been outlandish. I do plan on resuming my walking now that I’m home, but scaled a bit back because I’m going to start doing my 5mile multi muscle indoor walk dvd again. I’m going to attempt 5 small meals a day and see what that yields. In other developments I’ve restarted the process of getting weight loss surgery. I apparently don’t need to redo the entire process. Which was a shock to me, I just have to redo some preliminary appointments and I could be good to go. I meet with my surgeon again next month and we’ll go from there

Postponed until Monday. Less than 24 hours away

Tomorrow Ill be starting a liquid diet. Protein shakes 2-3 times a day. This is sort of a preliminary run for what I'd need to do for weight loss surgery. The truth is Id like to do the weight loss surgery diet without the surgery part, if I can do it with the protein powder I have  this week then Ill give it a 30+ day run. The real goal would be 2-3 months. But that is jumping ahead. It will depends on how this next week goes.

Depression is making a bit of a stronger case lately. My mind wants to dwell and long. Long for this to be wrapped up in a cute little bow, no loose ends. Brandon loses the weight, Brandon takes life by the horns, Brandon makes new friends he can truly be himself with, Brandon peruses a career, Brandon finds love, Brandon is happy. This is what I long for, but that first thing hides all the rest behind it. Beat the game of losing weight and these are the prizes. My mind is still poisoned with anchors of habits that keep resurfacing. Why can I just get the antidote and move on. But the age old question returns. What am I without food, hmm? Being on the right track feels so hallow and tedious without food covering every aspect of my life. Suddenly it’s just for calories and I feel empty. It starts to feel miserable. Then I revert back and that’s miserable too. So the question becomes which misery is best?

View this post on Instagram I’m pooped. I guess I would get that motivation back a lot sooner than expected, like literally the day after. Today I walked the entire track at the park and it was tough I’ll be completely honest and I almost cut it short. When I got to the point where you can cut about the last 15-20% of the track, I almost did. Sun was out beaming and shade was few and far between on the left side of the track. And I forgot my visor. ‘‘Twas not fun, but I got through. I’m exhausted, like totally completely exhausted. I won’t be attempting this again for a bit, definitely not ready to make it a regular thing. But now I know I can do it. A small victory indeed. A post shared by Brandon, Who Lives At Home (@brandonwholivesathome) on Jul 11, 2020 at 7:07am PDT

View this post on Instagram Today was a bit different. Went walking with my mom and normally she does the much shorter route and I go ahead, but today she wanted to try out what I was doing. She made it to a certain point and was struggling so she decided to head back and wanted me to walk with her. So I went back with her and finished with her original route. She had to stop at the benches a few times but I was very proud of her, I didn’t figure she’d even attempt my route for a couple months. It’s interesting tho. Today I was going to try out the full track, but it’ll have to wait, and honestly idk when I’ll be motivated enough to try it now. Oh well. What I’m doing now (except today obviously) is enough tho A post shared by Brandon, Who Lives At Home (@brandonwholivesathome) on Jul 10, 2020 at 8:44am PDT

View this post on Instagram And for z reveal. So the past few weeks I’ve been testing the seas and have ultimately decided alternate day fasting is for me. I was trying a few different methods. I learned that I enjoy not eating as much as I enjoy eating, meaning that I just enjoy not having to worry about eating anything. So with my alternate day fasting I eat a day, fast a day but on days I eat I have an eating window of about 6 hours, then I fast the entire next day, just water, and on the following day eat again, but during the eating window which is 4pm to 10pm. So technically the fast is longer than a day. I realized my threshold is 3 days (of straight fasting)for optimal performance. Obviously I’m not going 3 days, although it was considered, because of course it was, it’s me after all. Truth is the alternate day fasting system I’ve landed on is quite a compromise from what I was really aiming for during my trials. I reasoned wi...

Broke the fast last night, it was a tough decision but I did it. Last night I had pork chops and potatoes, today I had a pupu platter of garbage but I learned from everything. I’ve decided alternate day fasting is the best way for me to go about this. Fast a few days,  eat a few days(3:2). Even though I’m still within  the 24hr period since I broke the fast I’ve decided to count them as two separate days. So last night Wednesday was 1 day itself. So I’m at 2 days of eating. At 4pm EST my fast began again. It won’t be over until 4pm est Monday. I’m good for a solid three days. The first two shouldn’t be as hard now that now that my body and mind are used to it. I’ll be loading up on a ton of protein on my next eating day. I’ll be having tuna, chicken, vegetables fruits, Protein shakes  just really healthy things. I’ve been craving those things and so today when I ate pretty much the opposite of that I wasn’t very fulfilled, I was full but I wasn’t fulfilled so that’s bee...

Day 3 is officially in the bag, it was the easiest yet in terms of cravings. 3/5 complete Report Card: Stayed on track? Yes Biggest issue of the day? Mild lethargy  Feeling? Good Cravings? None Calorie intake? 0 Achievements?  Used Therapy&CBT skills? ... Anxiety level 1-10? 2 Depression level 1-10? 2 Outlook? Positive  Willing to make changes in my thinking? Yes