A Wretched Wednesday
"I just couldn't luster up the emotional energy..."
The week continued on bad note. I woke up completely unmotivated, my mind started to head into bleak territories early. I had a nice breakfast, scrambled eggs, hash browns and turkey bacon. I did not want to go to my therapy appointment, part laziness, part I didn't do my homework, it was impossible(I was suppose to write a love letter to myself). I decided to go, we talked about a range seemingly low-tier issues, but for some reason it was very emotionally exhausting. I left there feeling emotionally drained. When I went to the doctors office Tuesday, upon my exit a kid maybe age 8 or 9 (old enough to know better) yells "fat boy." His mother did nothing to correct him, I just continued walking like I didn't hear it. I was thinking "I'm taking this much better than I used to" as I walked away. By the time I got home I buried it to the back of my head and forgot, until therapy.
My therapist asked me how I felt about it, and the truth was I was just then starting to feel about it. She asked me what would I have like to say, I didn't have an answer. She would have liked to have called him and his mother out for his rude behavior, and let them know that, that's no way to treat people. Of course I would, but then I'd risk the attention of the entire room, and my already humiliating situation would become more broad.
After therapy I just felt drained, I didn't speak in the car, when we got home as we got near the door mom spotted a Wasp (she's terrified of them, and bees) and when she unlocked the door she quickly made her way in and proceeded to shut the door in my face, luckily my my foot was already half in the door. I was appalled. I asked her why she did that, I was visibly upset, she asked "what?" I replied "you shut the door in my face!" In a very cavalier way she replied "well, there was a wasp" and I angrily returned "so what, you don't shut the door in someone's face, that's rude!" She didn't care, and started making the shoo, go away hand gesture. I went to my room defeated. I just kept thinking why was it okay for me to be potentially left out with that thing to maybe get stung. I thought about the kid, and his unsympathetic mother, and I just had a complete and total meltdown in my room. I was crying, no sobbing, asking myself why is it okay to hurt me? I reverted to a very familiar deep depression for about an hour.
My friend contacted me a short time later, but I just wasn't up for a walk, I just couldn't luster up the emotional energy needed. For dinner I had a turkey burger, with turkey bacon, cheese, onions, pickles, tomato slices, lettuce with a side of hash browns and two cups of ginger-ale