It's a new month, and I've decided my red meat ban has gone on long enough! I'll be easing off the turkey meats a bit in the process. I stuck it out for two months for reasons I really don't know, I guess to challenge myself, see if I could do it. Well it was murder towards the end, but alas, that's exactly what it is. The end.
I don't know what I have in store for this month, but next month means half the year will be gone. Will I have had a mild transformation by then like I hoped? I think not. Im thinking of actually maybe slowing down a bit, as crazy as that sounds to me. I once fantasized about having one of those eating disorders where you become so conscious and worried that you eat very little. At the start of the week when my low calorie intake had a profound effect on me, I considered the possibility of letting it go on, weakness, lack of energy, and feeling perpetually sick, were fair trade offs to drop the pounds. I haven't exactly come to my senses either, but I certainly don't like feeling like that, and I honestly can't go another two months without tasting some of my favorite foods, it's driving me crazy. I literally watched videos on YouTube of people just eating pizza, it's as weird as it sounds. Below is my favorite, Ive watched it 5times...
I'm honestly in limbo, this month will be my biggest test I believe, as I am lifting the restrictions I've placed on myself, and trusting myself with my own freedom. I've been exposed to so much information lately I don't know my left, from my right! What is good, what is bad, and what's worth it. How far am I willing to go, and how far is too far? I'm at a war with myself, there is a side of me that says eat fewer, and fewer, that ensures results, who cares about the dangers, the dangers of being my current weight alone are enough to justify my practices. Then there is the other me, longing for food with a bit more, flavor and texture, a bit more fun, the part of me that says eat more calories, and accept a slower decrease in weight. This side also fears gaining weight. We will see how the month plans out, right now the latter side is in control.