I spent my Saturday in bed, once I arrived home and settled in. I listened to music, and laid with my thoughts. A most terrifying, haunting thought came to me sometime during the night. What if my irrelevance to people at large, isn't related to obesity, but it's just, me. That would mean losing the weight wouldn't change my importance to people like I thought. Ill be just as forgotten and overlooked. This thought made a  segway  into another. What if I don't develop that better personality? What if I lose the weight and I'm still me?

This haze seems to be lasting longer than previous spells. Maybe I'm becoming the haze, maybe I am the haze.


  1. When I lost a lot of weight I was still the same only in a much smaller package! I think your personality sounds very nice so hopefully the things that will change will be aspects like confidence and self esteem. Continue with your therapy though so the changes will be on the inside as well out the out.

    Maybe you need some new people in your life who will appreciate you for you!

    Happy Memorial Day!

  2. You ARE the same person whether your's 100 lbs, 200 lbs, 10,000 lbs. You are YOU. I will say it's one of the most infuriating things to know that and to see how differently people treat you. You think to yourself "I was ALWAYS this person, but only NOW you're interested in speaking with me? NOW my opinions have weight? Now I'm worthy? Screw you!" I'm a bit frustrated with people like that, but it happens constantly and it's something you are really going to face.

    You have a personality now, and trying to change that is foolish. What's wrong with who you are? You're lost right now, but that's a factual element, it doesn't weigh on who you actually ARE. Get motivated, work on where you want to be with your life and making yourself happy. People will come who will appreciate that. Changing who you are is always a false proposition, but making yourself happy isn't.


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