I Could Use Some Variation

Whats going on with this journey of mine!? The only consistent thing I've been doing is... Well... Losing weight, if not painstakingly slow, but that was the point of this whole journey. I'm so distracted by so many other negative elements. I'm drowning! I'm feeling hopeless. This emotional whirlwind I've been trapped in wont let up. I have a dark secret I kept from you guys about last weekend. I'm hesitant to share it. Maybe down the line.
I entered this week with the same hair as last week, no new shell. Wouldn't it be funny if I changed my hair and found a whole new lease on life? Yeah right, it's an interesting parallel though. As if my hair was some kind of subconscious connection to my current emotional being, renewing one, renewed the other. Life should be so simple.
I haven't been eating much, it hasn't a thing to do with that low calorie plan I spoke of, I have no appetite or desire to eat. My calories lately just happen to fall conveniently in the extreme low calorie spectrum without even trying. I was going to abandon that plan, but seems things have just been working out differently.

It's feeling like another Sinatra kind of day


  1. Sorry you're having such a hard time. I have no help to give right now, but I hope it gets better soon. And you are still losing weight, so that is something.

  2. Maybe you should contact your doctor or therapist if you are feeling this bad? If you don't feel like you can keep yourself safe, you can always call a hotline or go the ER.

  3. Are you still reading? I used to read constantly when I was depressed; it kind of took me to a better place.

    Since we have kind of similar taste in books, I wonder if you like Harlan Coban? He's not really a horror writer, more of a mystery author but you might still really enjoy him. Like Stephen King and Dean Koontz, I like his older stuff much better.

    New Stephen King book coming out soon.

  4. Well, losing weight is a good thing - but one of the biggest realizations for anyone in this situation is that losing weight doesn't fix your life. At all. That may be part of the problem. You have to work on both.

    On the hair thing? I swear to you that i feel better and do better when I take care of myself. That means doing my hair, getting hair cuts, etc. So, personally? I say go for it!

  5. As always, Kyra's comments are spot on. I feel so much better after a haircut, and also home-done pedicures. I've been obese, I've been severely underweight, I've been in between and all over the place: all were symptoms of bigger issues in my life. You can do this, Brandon! Rooting for you!!


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