Purpose

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It's been an interesting day. I've been a little down for some reason, I think when I'm home I'm just 100% more down, and if I'm staying at a friends I'm just distracted, and while for the most part I enjoy being over at my friend Nick and Melissa's they just have so many unhealthy habits. I ate far too many Oreos this week, I don't know if it will effect the scale, but I made the choice to eat them. I've actually mentioned that they should be making better eating decisions, especially Melissa because all the health things she has going on, but nothing changes. On top of that things are shakey just in general between them, logical rational advice has been given, and not taken. I have to remove myself from that situation, in terms of trying to mediate, also hanging out, watching the passive aggression stresses me out. So it's back to being cooped up in my room for sometime. My friend Mike said he was going to drop by Monday though(completely unrelated), that likely won't come to pass.


Hope the above didn't come across as a rant, I actually like spending time with them, but their interactions with each other is more of the issue. I'm trying to figure out my purpose, and not just the purpose of this post. I feel so meaningless sometimes, I don't know what I want to do with my life, everything still feels like it has to wait until I'm thinner. Wait until I'm out of the 500s, until I'm 450, 400, until  in the 300s and things don't too much feel better. I don't feel like a guy who lost a lot of weight, my family isn't really more invested.  This journey is quintessential-Brandon, very under the radar and unnoticeable. I feel like maybe my grandmother that passed away last year would have been very proud of me. There aren't many things people can say they are proud of me for, but I think maybe this is one. I always felt like I was letting her down by becoming so big, I hurts so much that she can't be here to see me turn it around.

This was from early 2014, couple months before I decided to change everything. When I lived for food. Me and my friends would drive great lengths just to go to fast food places, it was often the highlight to our day. This day it was Jack In The Box, not available in our town. So we made a long out trip out of town (like we often did) for otherwise average fast food. These days are over for me.

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