Yesterdays Drawing Project

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It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

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Once again it somehow seems I found my way to the brink of yet another week. I didn't do too much this weekend, I got to see my nephew Kieryn, that was a treat. Literally the first thing he did when he walked in the door was asked where I was at, that felt pretty good. This past week eating wise was any improvement but not ideal, I think I took in too much sodium, I didn't get to the gym the 3 times I wanted either so this weigh-in might actually be another upset which I really just don't need . I do plan on changing things up a bit this week, indefinitely. My calorie goal has dropped down by almost 300, going to start eating boiled eggs and toasts for breakfast maybe with jam and oatmeal still figuring that out. I'm going get on a fixed medicine schedule, I take my morning meds at such varying times each day, now I'm just going to make sure that I have an exact time from now on. Exercising will be a daily thing now, no more every other or skipping days. Resume po...
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It's been a pretty rough week, I had a lot of emotional battles that I sometimes lost. I feel a way I can't describe. This whole week I've had fast food, Taco Bell twice, KFC, Canes, and Chipotle. I told myself the journey was over, but somehow I remained incredibly conscious and cautious of the places I chose to eat at. I wanted to be destructed, but ended  up being quite tame. The most I took in on a single day was 2,500 calories, and that was Monday, a day I had no fast food, every day since has been lower. I've been bothered by it. I wanted to revert back to the old me, and eat recklessly everyday, but that didn't happen. There is a part of me that wouldn't give up completely, it whispered in my ear like Jiminy Cricket, steering me clear if making the worst decisions possible. I could have had pizza everyday this week, Pizza Hut has a new dipper pizza, and Little Cesar's has a deep dish bacon wrapped  (literally whole bacon wrapped around the crust)...
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Every Now And Then, I Kick The Living Sh*t Outta Me

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I know everything I need to know, that there is to know about nutrition. Lack of knowledge isn't my problem, I know what and when I'm doing wrong and continue anyways. In 2017 in the first half of the year before summer I reached a peak low weight of 320 , actually, 318, but I round up in this case because I hit 318 once and 320 multiple times. That was likely the true low anyways. So yeah 320. My dwindling reader base may remember that every time I got this low I shot up 5-15lbs, then got back down and repeated. There was clearly something psychosomatic about my inability to go any lower. Something within did not want me to continue to get lower, but why? Was I afraid of the realities of things? Maybe I was right, maybe everything would change and my social bubble would explode and I'd be involved in more endeavors and doing more. Maybe that meant I was scared that I wouldn't know who I was going to become, that the person I knew would be erased and maybe peop...
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