Bittersweet



I came down from yesterday's high pretty quick. I was happy at first then, I sank into a bit of melancholy that I never quite got over. My new glasses were done and ready for pickup, so I went to get them. On the way to the car I looked in the reflection of the window and asked myself was anything I've done noticeable. I thought nothing else of it until I arrived back home, and then it hit me, I'm still huge, I've still got got hundreds of pounds to go, my opportunities in life are as limit now as they were 60 pounds ago. I notice things, but little things. I see a guy who was almost 600 pounds, but is now almost 500 pounds. It's only when you are this far up, this obese, this high up the scale, that 60-80 pounds can be insignificant.

I've been asking myself, is this the depression talking? Is this that thing I do as a result, where I don't let myself enjoy happy moments? I have been looking forward to crossing over into the 4s for awhile, but yesterday when the scale said I did it. I didn't feel like I did anything. I had this idea that it would be like my skin unfolding like the cloth on mummies, spinning me around to reveal a new 400 pound me. That didn't happen, infact I initial felt nothing, it was my mothers reaction that truly signaled it was maybe a big deal.

After the weigh-in I decided to have a bit of a celebratory breakfast, vis-à-vi the remaining  Velveeta salsa dip. It was a nice change up from cereal, but that one meal ruined me for sodium for the day, I had already gone over! I had a whipped strawberry yogurt for lunch and for dinner hand a piece of boneless skinless chicken breast, 2 cups of vegetables and two corn on the cobs. My calorie total for the day 1,411' my sodium 3192. It should be noted that the dip was 2,601 all by itself.... The dip is gone now though, so no more of that (not going to lie! I already miss it!).

Today

I have my follow up today, I'm hoping for good news, that I won't be forced on a low sodium diet, that I won't be put on yet another medication, but I woke up with a headache, bad sign. I'm actually going walking today, last two days have been possibilities but then didn't turn out. I've been craving pizza so bad! Papa Johns especially, but also La Rosa's. I've also been craving hamburgers and actually fried French fries. I can't remember when I had a non chicken, fish, or turkey-based meat, but I would surely love a juicy cheese burger with all the fixins mhmmm.

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