Those "OMG, I'm Way Bigger Than I Thought Moments"
I was never completely clueless about my size. I always knew I was overweight I always knew I was the biggest kid. The large one. The heaviest set one. I knew growing up that I was not in any way skinny. Unfortunately though, living, and seeing life through the 1st person angle we do, we can sometimes get a rather distorted, and/or convenient idea of ourselves, until we are snapped back into realities brutal grasps. I remember one of the first time I got too comfortable with the idea, and not the reality. The idea being what the picture in my head of me looked like, not what I or people actually seen. I remember it was summer and we were going back-to-school shopping a large retail chain called Hills. They had these giant mirror like windows wrapped around the the building as you walk towards the door. I remember walking up to the building and laughing at the sight of me because I thought it was one of those circus-clown mirror distortions, but then I noticed my mom and my aunt looked the same. Only I looked like a small land whale. I was horrified. I suddenly become hyper aware of every single fold and ridge in my shirt, every hump and lump on my body. The shopping experience didn't go well either once we got in, as I could just barely squeeze into their maximum size, a 4x, everything looked like what came I in with. Mom insisted I looked handsome, but, moms.
I had my most recent experience with it, now I'm not filled with those delusions like I used to, but sometimes I think maybe my weight loss looks a bit better than I thought, and then see, nope, gosh I'm a hideous man-ogre something straight from Lord Of The Rings. I'm still caught off guard by this, you would think I would have my brain set up so that I wouldn't allow myself to think I could look better than I do, but it happens, and I pay the price. I have issues.📝📓