Summers eve

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A brick wall that had flower up top. I singled out the star flower

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Chopped

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Everything has returned to normalcy, for the most part. My oldest brother is back in Texas, all the holiday food is gone, I spent a couple days with nick and Melissa but am home now, and feels as though the year begins its official grind. I'm plotting ways to get more active, it's been really cold lately and I don't really want to go walking out in that, as I don't have a sufficient coat, but I am wanting to walk outside  but I'm not wanting to be inconsistent so I'm not wanting the weather to play such a heavy role. Seems I've got the 4 mile walk down pretty good now which is 60 minutes. I'm thinking of going up to the 5 mile walk, its the last Leslie Sansone workout I have it tops out at just over an hour so it's not too much longer than the 4 mile  but it immediately starts out at a much faster pace. So that's something I'm going to give a try. I cut my beard off the other day, I was feeling like it was distorting my mind a bit, making...
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Digging Deep To Carry On

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Im back home today, my mother is already gone on her trip to the family barbecue out of town. Yesterday at my friends was particularly emotionally exhausting. My friend got into a trivial argument with his mother on the phone, but she said some truly astonishing things. Things that triggered not just my emotions, but my anxiety and depression. Not just that, but it just ruined the mellow day we were having up until then. Im feeling kind of lost lately. I feel like I'm waiting to stumble upon my purpose. Because I keep getting back to this state where I feel like I have no purpose. I've been really struggling lately. It's amazing how I can be so humongous physically, but so minuscule in the grand scheme of it all. In weight loss news I think I might start back up my lowball calorie intake next week, indefinitely. Although this time the range will be 800-1200. I simple don't care about the side effects. It seems like I won't be satisfied until I'm thin, and the ...
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Decompress Weekend

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I'm mostly out of the funk I've been in the past few days. There are some things I just have to accept, the familys lack of caring  isn't really a new thing. They do just so much as to keep me from jumping of the cliff, but not so much as to get me to walk away from the edge of said cliff. This is part of the reason I'm losing the weight though, so that future-self/ideal me can surround himself with people that actually give a care. Moving on. Only worked out only once the entire week, Monday, and my eating has been a bit iffy, I'm pretty sure Im getting my minimum calories in, I'm not sure if I'm doing so great with water, and when I don't do great with drinking water, my body punishes me by... holding on to it which might make for a upsetting weigh-in but I think I'm solid, I had a less than stellar day a few days back but have mostly rebounded. The plan this weekend is to watch movies and try to decompress from the stress, that is all.
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